Election Year or Fear!

[MadAmster]

Just found this online. Your views would be appreciated...

Dear Muslims of the UK,
My family and I have decided it’s time to move to a Muslim country. We’re still comparing the benefits packages — Saudi Arabia has the cash but zero pubs, Turkey’s got beaches but the call to prayer is a bit “early o’clock.” Decisions, decisions.
Obviously all my neighbours are coming too. And their neighbours. And their mates from the pub. Before you know it, half of Britain will be rocking up at passport control with three suitcases, a Union Jack beach towel, and the quiet confidence of people who’ve never been asked to integrate in their lives.
As a proud Christian community, we’ll need a few tiny adjustments to make us feel at home:
Please start building proper churches immediately — big ones with bells that go mental at 8am on a Sunday. None of this polite muffled ding-dong nonsense. We want full Fat Controller energy.
We’ll also need certain roads closed for our marches. Just the occasional Easter procession with 400 middle-aged men in slightly tight robes singing “All Things Bright and Beautiful” at the top of their lungs. It’s not five times a day, relax. We’re civilised.
Every single supermarket must stock proper British pork: bacon, sausages, black pudding, the works. We’re a minority now, so you’ll just have to be understanding and tolerant of our deeply held cultural tradition of putting pig in everything.
We’re bringing the dogs. All of them. Expect Labradors, spaniels and staffies enthusiastically ****ting on every pavement while we smile and say “he’s just saying hello!” You’ll need dog parks. You’ll also need to smile when we walk them past your mosques at peak prayer time. That’s called diversity, mate.
Your religious holidays are lovely and all, but they’re a bit full-on. We’d appreciate it if you toned them down or maybe just moved them to a Tuesday so they don’t clash with The Chase.
In schools, our kids must be allowed to wear massive crucifixes, eat ham sandwiches right next to fasting pupils, and refuse to sit near anyone who’s had a bacon butty. Any complaints will be treated as Christianophobia. We’ve already got the lawyers on speed dial and a very tearful BBC interview lined up.
If any of this is refused, please send a full list of police stations so we can report you for hate, discrimination, and general not-being-nice-enough-to-us.
One more thing: if my lads burn your flag because England won on penalties, please be understanding. I’ll give them a really stern look and make them write “sorry” 100 times. Probably while wearing their new “Three Lions” replica shirt.
We’d also like generous benefits, free housing, and a nice little “integration grant” while we spend the next three generations “finding ourselves.” Work is obviously optional. We do, however, intend to drink heavily, gamble on the horses, and go topless in your parks the second it hits 22?C. You’ll get used to it.
Thanks in advance for your legendary tolerance. After all, diversity is our strength!
Yours in Christ (and the occasional cheeky pint),
A Very Reasonable Christian

[Geoff Parkstone]

Amusing with a disturbing undertone as observation of what is expected of us

[ramAnag]

Maybe a dumb question but why does society have to find a way. Hate and violence, greed and self interest has defined human history probably since the dawn of time. What makes you think that rolling stone can be stopped?

Sigh! Well okay, maybe we can carry on just as we are. Working well isn?t it? A world at war with itself, run by mad snake oil salesmen and extremists.

[Geoff Parkstone]

Call me cynical but it's so engrained in human nature that it's irreversible. It's not capable of being solved in reality. Maybe in an idealist world it is, but where would you even start? Some nice chanting perhaps?

Give me a clue, as I'd like to see such things resolved - what would be your first 3 measures as global tsar to set the world to rights.

[MadAmster]

Call me cynical but it's so engrained in human nature that it's irreversible. It's not capable of being solved in reality. Maybe in an idealist world it is, but where would you even start? Some nice chanting perhaps?

Give me a clue, as I'd like to see such things resolved - what would be your first 3 measures as global tsar to set the world to rights.

1. Ensure everybody has sufficient to live, not just survive, as long as there's poverty and starvation we'll have conflict. The haves can still have, just not as much as they currently have and certainly less than the extra to what they currently have that they want. Those who won't work will get just enough to survive in terms of food and shelter. They won't get extras like beer. smokes, vapes, holidays etc. only basic furniture. Those who can't work will get suffient to be able to afford luxuries. Anybody else wanting a little luxury would have to go out to work.

2. Ban all weapons.

3. Ban all religion.

4th would be to make any needed amendments (there's probably no changes needed) to the Laws of Association Football and instruct all referees to apply ALL of them. I'd also give VAR 30 seconds to spot any clear and obvious error made by the ref, if none are found inside 30 seconds then there weren't any.

We'd still have billionaires with grossly huge mansions, private jets, private yachts etc. What we wouldn't have is homeless and starving people.

[Andy_Faber]

Just found this online. Your views would be appreciated...

Dear Muslims of the UK,
My family and I have decided it?s time to move to a Muslim country. We?re still comparing the benefits packages ? Saudi Arabia has the cash but zero pubs, Turkey?s got beaches but the call to prayer is a bit ?early o?clock.? Decisions, decisions.
Obviously all my neighbours are coming too. And their neighbours. And their mates from the pub. Before you know it, half of Britain will be rocking up at passport control with three suitcases, a Union Jack beach towel, and the quiet confidence of people who?ve never been asked to integrate in their lives.
As a proud Christian community, we?ll need a few tiny adjustments to make us feel at home:
Please start building proper churches immediately ? big ones with bells that go mental at 8am on a Sunday. None of this polite muffled ding-dong nonsense. We want full Fat Controller energy.
We?ll also need certain roads closed for our marches. Just the occasional Easter procession with 400 middle-aged men in slightly tight robes singing ?All Things Bright and Beautiful? at the top of their lungs. It?s not five times a day, relax. We?re civilised.
Every single supermarket must stock proper British pork: bacon, sausages, black pudding, the works. We?re a minority now, so you?ll just have to be understanding and tolerant of our deeply held cultural tradition of putting pig in everything.
We?re bringing the dogs. All of them. Expect Labradors, spaniels and staffies enthusiastically ****ting on every pavement while we smile and say ?he?s just saying hello!? You?ll need dog parks. You?ll also need to smile when we walk them past your mosques at peak prayer time. That?s called diversity, mate.
Your religious holidays are lovely and all, but they?re a bit full-on. We?d appreciate it if you toned them down or maybe just moved them to a Tuesday so they don?t clash with The Chase.
In schools, our kids must be allowed to wear massive crucifixes, eat ham sandwiches right next to fasting pupils, and refuse to sit near anyone who?s had a bacon butty. Any complaints will be treated as Christianophobia. We?ve already got the lawyers on speed dial and a very tearful BBC interview lined up.
If any of this is refused, please send a full list of police stations so we can report you for hate, discrimination, and general not-being-nice-enough-to-us.
One more thing: if my lads burn your flag because England won on penalties, please be understanding. I?ll give them a really stern look and make them write ?sorry? 100 times. Probably while wearing their new ?Three Lions? replica shirt.
We?d also like generous benefits, free housing, and a nice little ?integration grant? while we spend the next three generations ?finding ourselves.? Work is obviously optional. We do, however, intend to drink heavily, gamble on the horses, and go topless in your parks the second it hits 22?C. You?ll get used to it.
Thanks in advance for your legendary tolerance. After all, diversity is our strength!
Yours in Christ (and the occasional cheeky pint),
A Very Reasonable Christian

The regretable future cloaked in sarcasm

[ramAnag]

Call me cynical but it's so engrained in human nature that it's irreversible. It's not capable of being solved in reality. Maybe in an idealist world it is, but where would you even start? Some nice chanting perhaps?

Give me a clue, as I'd like to see such things resolved - what would be your first 3 measures as global tsar to set the world to rights.

Daft question and, as you know, quite unanswerable…despite MA’s best efforts.
Any wish list I might come up with would be worthless. All I can say is that we should all conduct ourselves according to the mantra of ‘do as you would be done by’ and call out such evils as bullying, racism, religious intolerance and gross inequality when and wherever we see it. That would at least be a better starting point than your ‘it’s irreversible’ handwringing.

Fifty years ago certain people threw bananas at black footballers…that changed. Sixty odd years ago signs saying ‘no blacks, no Irish, no dogs’ weren’t so unusual…that changed. People with learning/mobility difficulties were called ‘mongs’ and ‘spastics’…that changed. Where there’s a will etc…and as most on here approach the final chapters of our lives, don’t we owe it to our children and grandchildren to try and create a less depressingly dystopian future?

[Geoff Parkstone]

ironic isnt it - the call for no dogs has now resurfaced at the behest of moslems, who would mostly have been incuded as "black *****" back then anyway. Bananas - yes its less frequent but dont go down Millwall if yu dont like it, despited the numbers of their own black teammates. Ask Richarlison as well if irs stopped

I have no problens with MA's suggestions but the bird has long flown the cage on the second two suggestions as no doubt he recognises.. The first one may be a first world option but not global - I would contend that inequalities in the third world far outweigh first world issues.


At least he has tried to suggest something "practical" rather than just note a few secular homilies that you want to "call out" to a world that largely doesnt want to listen. I have to say that "calling out" does nothing for this reason - noone listens. For all the "Free Palestine" handwringing (to borrow your expression) for a number of years now, did Israel listen? No. Did anyone that matters listen - seemingly not, oh Greta did and various crusaders across the world shouted a bit and made some noise.

"Calling out" achieves nothing other than to make the caller feel self satisfied and allows them to smugly think "well I did say..."

Ill agree we want to avoid a dystopian future for our kids but the inexorable pursuit of technology and AI has pretty much guaranteed that future already. Even if we could, to take one of your issues, end religious intolerance, that wouldnt prevent the bleak dystopia Im afraid.

I suspect we are back once more to the sources of many of our disagreements past - idealism v realism.

[ramAnag]

ironic isnt it - the call for no dogs has now resurfaced at the behest of moslems, who would mostly have been incuded as "black *****" back then anyway. Bananas - yes its less frequent but dont go down Millwall if yu dont like it, despited the numbers of their own black teammates. Ask Richarlison as well if irs stopped

I have no problens with MA's suggestions but the bird has long flown the cage on the second two suggestions as no doubt he recognises.. The first one may be a first world option but not global - I would contend that inequalities in the third world far outweigh first world issues.


At least he has tried to suggest something "practical" rather than just note a few secular homilies that you want to "call out" to a world that largely doesnt want to listen. I have to say that "calling out" does nothing for this reason - noone listens. For all the "Free Palestine" handwringing (to borrow your expression) for a number of years now, did Israel listen? No. Did anyone that matters listen - seemingly not, oh Greta did and various crusaders across the world shouted a bit and made some noise.

"Calling out" achieves nothing other than to make the caller feel self satisfied and allows them to smugly think "well I did say..."

Ill agree we want to avoid a dystopian future for our kids but the inexorable pursuit of technology and AI has pretty much guaranteed that future already. Even if we could, to take one of your issues, end religious intolerance, that wouldnt prevent the bleak dystopia Im afraid.

I suspect we are back once more to the sources of many of our disagreements past - idealism v realism.

Bananas? More very ‘infrequent’ than ‘less frequent’ I’d say. The fact that you can only cite Millwall these days speaks volumes.
Richarlison…again a one off and it was in Paris not this country.
The whole stupidly ignorant practice used to be much more commonplace, so yes, things have changed…for the better.

‘Calling out’…identifying, standing up to, not tolerating…call it what you will. Nothing to do with feeling ‘self satisfied’ or ‘smug’. It actually depresses the hell out of me when I sometimes pick you up on (there’s another one) or challenge your use of racist humour. It’s depressing because in so many ways you seem like a pleasant and intelligent bloke so why do it?

Still, there you go, that’s the difference between the two of us and I don’t agree that I’m especially idealistic because, certainly until the recent move to the Right, many of the things I’ve stood for have come to fruition. Neither do I think you’re a realist, just - at your worst - an old embittered cynic with a big wooden spoon.

[Andy_Faber]

Just found this online. Your views would be appreciated...

Dear Muslims of the UK,
My family and I have decided it?s time to move to a Muslim country. We?re still comparing the benefits packages ? Saudi Arabia has the cash but zero pubs, Turkey?s got beaches but the call to prayer is a bit ?early o?clock.? Decisions, decisions.
Obviously all my neighbours are coming too. And their neighbours. And their mates from the pub. Before you know it, half of Britain will be rocking up at passport control with three suitcases, a Union Jack beach towel, and the quiet confidence of people who?ve never been asked to integrate in their lives.
As a proud Christian community, we?ll need a few tiny adjustments to make us feel at home:
Please start building proper churches immediately ? big ones with bells that go mental at 8am on a Sunday. None of this polite muffled ding-dong nonsense. We want full Fat Controller energy.
We?ll also need certain roads closed for our marches. Just the occasional Easter procession with 400 middle-aged men in slightly tight robes singing ?All Things Bright and Beautiful? at the top of their lungs. It?s not five times a day, relax. We?re civilised.
Every single supermarket must stock proper British pork: bacon, sausages, black pudding, the works. We?re a minority now, so you?ll just have to be understanding and tolerant of our deeply held cultural tradition of putting pig in everything.
We?re bringing the dogs. All of them. Expect Labradors, spaniels and staffies enthusiastically ****ting on every pavement while we smile and say ?he?s just saying hello!? You?ll need dog parks. You?ll also need to smile when we walk them past your mosques at peak prayer time. That?s called diversity, mate.
Your religious holidays are lovely and all, but they?re a bit full-on. We?d appreciate it if you toned them down or maybe just moved them to a Tuesday so they don?t clash with The Chase.
In schools, our kids must be allowed to wear massive crucifixes, eat ham sandwiches right next to fasting pupils, and refuse to sit near anyone who?s had a bacon butty. Any complaints will be treated as Christianophobia. We?ve already got the lawyers on speed dial and a very tearful BBC interview lined up.
If any of this is refused, please send a full list of police stations so we can report you for hate, discrimination, and general not-being-nice-enough-to-us.
One more thing: if my lads burn your flag because England won on penalties, please be understanding. I?ll give them a really stern look and make them write ?sorry? 100 times. Probably while wearing their new ?Three Lions? replica shirt.
We?d also like generous benefits, free housing, and a nice little ?integration grant? while we spend the next three generations ?finding ourselves.? Work is obviously optional. We do, however, intend to drink heavily, gamble on the horses, and go topless in your parks the second it hits 22?C. You?ll get used to it.
Thanks in advance for your legendary tolerance. After all, diversity is our strength!
Yours in Christ (and the occasional cheeky pint),
A Very Reasonable Christian

Did we hear your views?