Friday fun

[red_card4zip]

My **** star friend recently passed away.

As a mark of respect we scattered his ashes over his wife's face.......



There's a new Gillette razor designed for dyslexics.

It's the best thing since sliced beard.




My wife is leaving me due to my obsession with police interview techniques......

And for the benefit of the tape she is leaving the room at 12.20am.

[red_card4zip]

"I'm proud to be Asian." Said the Asian.

"I'm proud to be black." Said the African.

I'm proud to be white." Said the racist.




Labour MP Jess Philips says she's spent many nights out in Birmingham and has never been harassed by Muslim grooming gangs.
Someone needs to point out to the fat ugly cow that Muslim grooming gangs might be perverts, but they aren't fuqin blind.



A boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says " Where have you been till now?? "
"I was with Jessica." He replied.
"What were you doing?"
"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely."
Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're doughnuts."





Three men with speech impediments are in therapy.
The therapist is blonde, petite and pretty. She says, "If you can tell me where you live, without stuttering, I'll give you a blow job!"

First one stammers, "B B B Birmingham."
The next one, "M M M Manchchester"
The third one, a paddy, stands up, composes himself, and says, "London."

She gets his c0ck out, and gives him the best blowjob he has ever had. As he cums he sighs, "...d d d ddderry!"


Driving home from work I accidentally ran into the car in front.The driver got out and I saw he was a dwarf.
"I'm not happy" he said.
"Which one are you then?" I replied.

[red_card4zip]

Yellow card??

(linky) https://twitter.com/footbalIfights/s...06067975331840

[red_card4zip]

What's black, has eight legs and gets in your house by climbing up your drain pipe?

Four *i*g*r*.


https://twitter.com/****BibIe/status/921003927159656449

[DOOALI]

Keep them coming red card love em😅😅😅

[Exiletyke]

What's black, has eight legs and gets in your house by climbing up your drain pipe?

Four *i*g*r*.


https://twitter.com/****BibIe/status/921003927159656449

Four singers ?
Don't get it

[red_card4zip]

Kate and Gerry Mccann have just found out that she is pregnant again

They've already decided to give it up for abduction



After thirty seven years of marriage I've finally found my missus's G spot.

Who would have thought that her sister had it all along......



Great day out in London but Network Rail are full of $hit .

A sign said if you stand too close to the edge of the platform you get sucked off......

Five fuqin hours I was stood there.


What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.



Got the wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuq herself.


https://twitter.com/****BibIe/status/922179771324387332


https://twitter.com/footbalIfights/s...34772125765633

[pass_and_move]

Four singers ?
Don't get it

Four Ni gg ers

[Exiletyke]

Behave P&M

[red_card4zip]

I bought the wife a pug dog yesterday. Despite the bulging eyes, squashed face, and rolls of fat....

The dog seems to like her.



How do you know when you're in a Jewish household?


There's a fork in the sugar bowl.






I was walking down the road when I saw this Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.


I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"





The Car of the Year for 2017, as voted by Woman magazine is......


A Blue one.






I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.

Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go.....


Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO!


Honestly, some people are fuqin sick in the head.





Better news for the vicar who's banned the singing of Onward Christian Soldiers on Remembrance Sunday because it might upset Muslims:

The Old Bill have just found his missing spine.



https://twitter.com/AN1MALBIBLE/stat...15936187568129