The crappy joke thread

[DUFCstokie]

There's a new vegetarian snack food on sale in Korea. It’s called Not Poodle.

[DUFCstokie]

A couple were lying on their bed. It was their 10th anniversary.

"What is it my dear" he asked "you seem distant this morning".

"Darling" she replied "We have been so happy, but I think that its time I made a confession. You see, before we were wed I lived a very different life. This is not easy, but I was an international hooker for 8 years.

For several seconds nothing more was said. Then, he raised himself from the bed and walked to the window where he pondered for a while and then returned to her side.

He took her hand and looking her in the eyes said "You are the most perfect wife. I love you and I would never hold your past against you. International hooker - maybe you could recall those days and with a few tricks of the trade spice up our *** life?".

"Oh my poor innocent husband" she replied "I don't think you understand. When I said international hooker I meant my name was Gareth and I played rugby for Wales".

[DUFCstokie]

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the Third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. 'Well, sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..'

'I agree,' says the father. 'sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'

'Anything, father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours?'

'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'

The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.......she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

'Father, could I ask something of you?'

'Yes, sister?'

'I have never seen a man's appendage. Could I see yours?'

'I suppose that would be OK,' the priest replied lifting his robe.

'Oh father, may I touch it?'

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

'Sister, you know that if I insert my appendage in the right place, it can give life.'

'Is that true father?'

'Yes, it is, sister.'

'Oh father, that's wonderful ... stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'

[DUFCstokie]

At the end of the tax year, the Revenue Office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the agent was checking the books, he turned to
the executive of the hospital and said
“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do
with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be
of any use?"

"Good question," noted the executive. "We save them
up and send them back to the bandage company and
every once in a while, they send us a free roll."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that
his unusual question had a practical answer but on he
went, in his obnoxious way.

“What about all these plaster purchases? What do you
do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
The executive, realising that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question, replied. "We
save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every
now and again they send us a free bag of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he
could fluster the know-it-all executive. "Well, What do
you do with all the remains from circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not waste it," answered the executive.
"What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them
to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a
complete prick."