O/T Friday Neet joke thread (adult theme)

[Brin]

Evenin ...

The scariest thing about this world war 3 starting is that we are on the Germans' side. They've never won a world war yet.

[Brin]

I love playing mind games with my wife.

Today I bought her some flowers and I haven't done anything wrong.

[Brin]

My girlfriend and I were on the beach when she said, "Let's make love in the sea."

"Only if we don't go very deep," I replied, "because I can't swim."

A little while later she giggled and asked, "Do you think anybody realises what we're doing?"

"Probably," I said, as another wave broke over my ankles...

[Barnsley_Miller]

Evening Brin, its good to see you up and about, so to speak m8

Anyways heres my firs joke of the night,


A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair. the girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, My monkey has grown hair.

Her sister smiled and said, Thats nothing, mine is already eating bananas.

[villamiller]

morphine worn off then

[Brin]

I see Paddy Power are taking bets on Oscar Pistorius murder trial.

9/2 if he's found guilty

1000/1 if he walks

[Brin]

After Wales 3-1 victory over Iceland... delighted manager Chris Coleman said they are looking forward to playing Farm Foods next week.

[Brin]

morphine worn off then

I know this doesn't apply to you but...

I was having my hair cut at the hairdressers today when the fit bird doing my hair asked "How much would you like off the top sir?"

"The blouse and the bra please!" I replied.

[Gwyther]

I'v got two mates... one's called William Hill and the other Paddy Power

What's the odds on that ?

[Brin]

As my girlfriend sat on the toilet last night I walked up to her, dropped my trousers and tried slipping my cock in her mouth.

She immediately pulled away and said, "Dave, can I please have a poo?"

"Of course you can," I replied, turning around and pressing my bum hole against her lips.