jokes

[leedsutdman]

A Trump in the White House eh!
Well we have a wet fart in number 10
And a shlt in number 11.

[leedsutdman]

On holiday in Spain I saw a sign which read, English speaking doctor.
I thought what a good idea we should do that in the UK.

[Billyni]

Paddy goes to rob a bank. He pulls out a gun and shouts at the lady teller to give him all the money. As the lady hands him the money he realises that he has forgot to put on his mask. Paddy quickly pulls on his mask and then asks the lady did she see his face. She admits that she did so Paddy shot her! He then asks the bloke beside her if he seen his face. The bloke says 'no, but my wife did'.

[Tichi1]

??????

[leedsutdman]

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d.ick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

[Stainlessly]

Ryan Giggs is splitting up with his wife. If the divorce settlement goes 50/50 as expected, she will have 6 more Premier League medals that Steven Gerrard....

[pilgrimwhite]

Teacher asks the class to something that ends with "tor" and eats things...
So the first boy says "alligator."
The teacher replies, "very good Peter, that's a big word," then Tommy says,"predator."
Teacher says,"yes, that's another big word, well done,"
Little Johnny says, "vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair she says,"that's a big word Little Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything,"
Little Johnny replies,"well my mom has one and I heard her saying it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

[pilgrimwhite]

[whitestomper45]

I deserve a medal for just finding this thread ffs the search engine is absolutelyfeckinshyte, we need more jokes back....well maybe better ones
Speaking of which...I wasnt aware of Robert Mugabe's Yorkshire heritage....until I read his surname backwards....MUGABE

ALBINO - Can't say fairer than that

Ok lets hide the thread again

[leedsutdman]

Me and the wife have decided we are not having children.....
I've got to say the kids are devastated.