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Thread: jokes

  1. #31
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    12,326
    Was at a funeral yesterday and asked the priest for the WIFI password

    "Have some respect for the dead!" He said

    I replied

    " Is that all lower case? '

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,488
    I was looking in my wardrobe the other day when I noticed a secret passageway through the back.
    I pushed my way through and found myself in a strange mystical world and when the mist cleared I could see my neighbour sitting naked in a bath.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    12,326
    The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

    The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

    The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

    The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

    The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    12,326
    A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.

    After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.

    In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

    The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    7,783
    Was at a funeral yesterday. I asked if there was a password for the Wi-Fi. The Priest shouted 'Have some respect for the dead." I asked if it was upper or lower case.......

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    12,326
    A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

    She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

    After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

    The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

    "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    7,783
    Just realised I reposted Pilgrims funeral joke. Thought I'd seen it on FB ffs.

    Age.........

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    8,085
    Good to see this has been resurrected
    Last edited by CalverleyBoy; 29-03-2017 at 11:28 PM.

  9. #39
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    3,714
    Quote Originally Posted by BelfastAndy View Post
    Just realised I reposted Pilgrims funeral joke. Thought I'd seen it on FB ffs.

    Age.........
    Haha

    I have something to tell you Andy, but it's not easy for me to say it.........


    Ken Dodd's Dad's dog's dead

  10. #40
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    12,326
    Quote Originally Posted by BelfastAndy View Post
    Just realised I reposted Pilgrims funeral joke. Thought I'd seen it on FB ffs.

    Age.........
    Name:  th.jpg
Views: 373
Size:  14.5 KB

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