O/T A few jokes....

[Brin]

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winters morning: “Windows frozen.”
Husband texts back: “Pour some lukewarm water over it”
Wife texts back: “Computer completely f.ucked now.”

[Brin]

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
When your wife has to chew before she swallows.

[Brin]

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons’ innocence, the mother turns around and says “Don’t worry. That was an insect.”
To which one of the boys replies “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that.”

[Brin]

What’s a Jewish dilemma?
Free pork.

[Brin]

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can’t stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a s.exual harassment suit against him.
The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, “What’s s.exually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies, “It’s Brandon, the midget!

[Brin]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger frantically jumps up, removes all her clothing and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone on this plane who is man enough?”
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this.”

[Brin]

Little Sally said to her Mummy: “Mummy, Mummy, I saw Little Johnny’s p.enis today!”
Mummy was not amused. “You shouldn’t be seeing things like that at your age.”
Little Sally replied: “It was like a peanut!”
Mummy relaxed slightly, and chuckled. “Why, was it small?”
“No”, answered Little Sally. “Salty.”

[Brin]

What’s long and hard and makes women groan?
An Ironing Board.

[Brin]

A teacher in class notices a little puddle below Suzie’s chair.
“Ah, Suzie, why didn’t you put your hand up?”
“I did, Miss, but it just ran through me f.ucking fingers.”

[Ronners]

In a bitter custody battle before our divorce, my wife managed to secure full custody of our younger son, so as a going-away presents, I gave him an electric guitar and a drum set.