Firstly, the bad news, I'm standing in for Miss Rosie for the rest of the season, as she takes a bit of time out to recover from a nasty injury, and I'm all sure we all wish her lots of love and all the very best for her recovery. I'm a lot numerically challenged, so please forgive me for not being able to provide a match for her wonderful statistically detailed and brilliant write ups (if I can get you lot in the right order I'll be doing well), and I'm an awful lot out of practice, so please play nicely, and no sniggering at the back (Yes, I can see you AV! Or, as Oz would probably say, put a windsock in it ) Right, are you all sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin ...
Proving to be a (red) devil of a week for many of our VM Fantasy Managers, we will shortly discover which Kiwi junior smartypants manager earned smuggy smug pants bragging rights over his dad (yesss! ), following his lucky luck pants decision (umm I mean his genius tactical decision) not to Bale out before the going got good, and who's eyes Glazered over, as they saw their Bongo style visions (or hallucinations?) of Fantasy Super League status disappear in a red flare haze at the Theatre of Dreams ...
Waking up in a cold sweat after yet another night terror that his bete noire, Winnie, was hot on his heels and about to snatch away his long wished for Fantasy crown, Sam and his Get Well Soon Rosie x squad mopped their drippy brows with relief after discovering David still in 2nd place with a gap of 59 points, with said drippy faces, now wet with tears of laughter on finding Harry had knocked Sam's worst nightmare back into 4th with squillions of points now safely between them. Huh!
Beginning to wonder if his Krusade to find his way to the Holy Grail Fantasy Champions League was just a pipe dream was Jesh, as he tumbled to 5th, as Winnie cheered up on finding Yubby in a stroppy sulk in 6th place. More on that later, but thank you footballing gods!
Meanwhile, tucking himself into bed at his press conference (he's 11 hours ahead of us so was a bit tired), Ozfan spoke of his wish for a pectacular beautiful dream enabling him to relive his beautiful game victory over Bongo's Big Foot United this weekend. Oz said he particularly enjoyed the look on Bongo's face as he knocked him out of 7th place, informing journalists that he's invented a dream remote control so he can put that bit on still. Being a good sport, Bongo replied that Oz is just a great Big Footed bogeyman, as rumours mysteriously began to circulate that Oz is really Bill Gates wearing a handsome Australian big man suit, with his success this weekend evidencing Oz's ruthless pursuit of a new Fantasy League order.
After distracting Winnie's team in her new role as the new Warriors' mascot girl a little tooooo much in her s e x y white Abba boots, 9th placed Rosie wistfully daydreamed for long gone starry goal filled nights with Fernand(o)ez, but told her journalist friends that she would pick him the same again, while reigning champ, Picasso, reminisced about the days when he could actually pick Captains who scored, as he held onto his top 10 place again this week.
Missing in action from their press conferences this week are 11th placed former two times Fantasy champ, HJ, and Winnie's favourite 12th placed half glass full/empty manager Nuc (I haven't forgotten!), but Winnie very much hopes they will find their way out of mid table obscurity and come and say hello x
Nonchalantly quashing horrid stories put out by his jealous pants dad, Oz, who outrageously accused Liam of the heinous crime of fixing Bale's hat-trick this week with the offer of 3 fluff covered wine gums and a half eaten packet of crisps, is Liam, who proved that number 13 is lucky for him! I'm so cross I sold him, Liam!
I'm also hunting for MIA managers, Gornal and BB, who remain in 14th and 15th places respectively. I did catch sight of AV wafting about in pink earlier, so suspect he may have pinched BB's pink silk jacket again, and BB's gone looking. You know where to find it now, BB!
Tippy toeing above relegation is twice champ Mr Snazzy Owen, as Iwuz, AV (yep, BB, he's wearing it!) and Will keep their spirits up by partying to the sound of Bolan's Boogie Boys.
Manager of the Week is, of course, the one and only Liam, who's team Aston Liam won him a fantastic 62 points,with Harry claiming the runner up spot with an impressive 58 points in a tough week. BB just a point behind him in 3rd place.
Mare/Drongo of the Week award goes to ... Yubby with an absolutely atrocious 17 points! Yaaaay! I waited all write up to say that, bro, if you are reading! Yubby's first VM dad, AV, not far behind him with 21 points.
Team sheets to be handed in by 18.30 Friday 7th May.
Good luck all! x