Hall Of Fame
My wife was going away for a girly weekend.
I said to her jokingly " I'm not sure whether to watch p0rn or football all weekend".
She replied " you would be better off educationally watching p0rn, you already know how to play football"...
Hall Of Fame
3 Sheffield Wednesday fans were talking about the sorry state of their football club,
" I blame the manager", said the first fan," if he had signed better players, we'd be a great team ".
" I blame the players", said the second fan, " If they made more effort, we would score goals, and get points ".
" I blame my parents ", said the third fan, " If I had been born in Rotherham, I would be supporting a decent team ".
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Two mates meet up on match day, for a few drinks, before the game, first bloke telling his mate about his broken relationship with his girlfriend.
" My girlfriend ended our relationship, because of my obsession with football, I'm quite sad, we had been courting three seasons, she said its me or football, I said can I have 90 minutes to think about it, but she called full time, and blew the whistle, on our relationship ".
Hall Of Fame
Wayne Rooney said he wants to be a manager after he retires
"Burger King or McDonalds" was his response when asked where.
Hall Of Fame
Please join if you want to ignore lock down.
Hall Of Fame
Hall Of Fame
A frog is sitting on a lily pad, & he says, " If that fly drops 3 inches, I'll eat him for lunch ".
A fish under water is looking up, & he says, " If that fly drops 3 inches, that frog will jump, then I'll jump & I'll eat the frog for lunch ".
There's a bear on the side of the pond, & he says, " If that fly drops 3 inches, the frog will jump, the fish will jump, & I'll jump & eat that fish for lunch ".
There's a hunter in the woods, who's watching, he said, " If the fly drops 3 inches, the frog will jump, the fish will jump, the bear will jump, & I'll shoot that bear, & eat him for lunch ".
There is a cat in a tree, above the hunter, looking down at the hunters lunch bag, & see's a tuna sandwich for lunch, he says, " If that fly drops 3 inches, the frog will jump, the fish will jump, the bear will jump, the hunter will shoot the bear, & run down to the bear, & I'll jump down & eat the hunters tuna fish sandwich for lunch ".
Just then the fly drops 3 inches, the frog jumps, the fish jumps, the bear jumps, & the hunter shoots the bear, & runs down, & the cat jumped down to eat the tuna fish sandwich, when the cat jumped, he hit a branch, flipped & landed in the water.
Whats the moral of the story ?
Every time a fly drops 3 inches, a p*ssy gets wet.
Moderator
'Friends and family are everything', said frank Lampard.
'When I got home, JohnTerry was already there comforting Christine on the couch'.
Moderator
Crash has reminded me of a chip shop and how my mates Wife was telling me how her hubby has been sacked from the local chip shop he worked in.
When he tells his Wife she marches down to the chippy and asked the Manager, 'Why have you sacked my hubby?'
'Well he says, 'I caught him with the potato peeler stuck up his arse'.
'Show me this potato peeler'', she demanded.
He says, 'I can't'
'Why not?', she asks.
'Because I sacked him as well', he replied.
Last edited by Brin; 29-01-2021 at 08:56 PM.
Hall Of Fame
People who sell meat are horrible people but people who sell veg are grocer
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