O/T Joke of the day

[wrinkly]

I decided to hire a Dracula costume for Halloween. The bloke in the shop tried to give me a Wednesday shirt. I said "You obviously misheard me mate. I said I wanted to look like a Count"

[gm_gm]

An Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman, Welshman, Pakistani, American, Australian, indian, and Vietnamese went clubbing but the doorman said you can’t come in ....not without a Thai

[Brin]

A man bought his Wife a car for her birthday. 'I don't like it' she said. 'I want something that goes for zero to 140 in 3 seconds'

so he bought her a set of bathroom scales and said, 'Stand on that you fat t.wat!'

[howdydoo]

[Ronners]

Public Health England have warned of a 5% increase in Gonorrhoea. What a U-turn; they're the ones who said ''Clap for Carers''.

[Ronners]

I've just read this book about an immortal dog...... you just couldn't put it down.

[gm_gm]

Bloke went for a job and was asked one of those cheesy questions “what’s your worst character trait” asked the interviewer, he replied I’m too honest for my own good, the interview replied “isn’t that your best trait” ...he said I don’t give f.uck what you think

[howdydoo]

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks!" Paddy replied.

[Brin]

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. The presenter said, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks!" Paddy replied.

[Ericsladkilnhurst]

History tells us that London' first sperm bank, was a disaster, there were only two potential donors, One missed the tube, and the other came on the bus.