anything goes

[Woking88]

Thanks for your concern gents, much appreciated. I spoke to her yesterday and although still not right she does feel she has turned a corner for the better. Fingers crossed.

Good to hear. Hope she has a speedy recovery.

[Wolfiebill]

That's really good news Abbo - lets hope hope the road to recovery isn't long

[abbobrom]

An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.

Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.

One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.

In a few minutes he returned.

"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.

"I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."

That's why we love the Irish.

[WOODLANDSWOLF]

An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.

Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.

One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.

In a few minutes he returned.

"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.

"I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."

That's why we love the Irish.

Love it! Mind you are Irish jokes still legal?

Going to be a long haul isn't it to keep this place alive and ticking until the next game. Still, we'll get there.

[abbobrom]

Scouser is touring America on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He's chatting to the barman when he spies an old Native American sitting in a corner.

"Who's he?" asks the Scouser.

"That's the Memory Man," says the barman.

"He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out."

So the Scouser wanders over and asks: "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"

"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man.

The tourist is amazed.

"Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," comes the reply.

"And the score?"

"2-1."

Scouser tries something more specific.

"Who scored the winning goal?"

Native American does not even blink:

"Ian St John."

The Liverpudlian returns home and regales his relatives and friends with his tale, and he's determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man.

Ten years later he has saved enough money and returns to America. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Scouser finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains.

The Scouser steps forward, bows and greets the Native American in what he imagines from old films to be his traditional native tongue:

"How."

The Memory Man squints at him and says:

"Diving header in the six-yard box."

RIP Ian, they knew you everywhere.

[WOODLANDSWOLF]

Scouser is touring America on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He's chatting to the barman when he spies an old Native American sitting in a corner.

"Who's he?" asks the Scouser.

"That's the Memory Man," says the barman.

"He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out."

So the Scouser wanders over and asks: "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"

"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man.

The tourist is amazed.

"Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," comes the reply.

"And the score?"

"2-1."

Scouser tries something more specific.

"Who scored the winning goal?"

Native American does not even blink:

"Ian St John."

The Liverpudlian returns home and regales his relatives and friends with his tale, and he's determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man.

Ten years later he has saved enough money and returns to America. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Scouser finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains.

The Scouser steps forward, bows and greets the Native American in what he imagines from old films to be his traditional native tongue:

"How."

The Memory Man squints at him and says:

"Diving header in the six-yard box."

RIP Ian, they knew you everywhere.

Wonderful!

[nortonwolf]

Scouser is touring America on holiday and stops in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He's chatting to the barman when he spies an old Native American sitting in a corner.

"Who's he?" asks the Scouser.

"That's the Memory Man," says the barman.

"He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out."

So the Scouser wanders over and asks: "Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?"

"Liverpool," replies the Memory Man.

The tourist is amazed.

"Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," comes the reply.

"And the score?"

"2-1."

Scouser tries something more specific.

"Who scored the winning goal?"

Native American does not even blink:

"Ian St John."

The Liverpudlian returns home and regales his relatives and friends with his tale, and he's determined to return and pay his respects to this amazing man.

Ten years later he has saved enough money and returns to America. After weeks of searching through the towns of Nevada, Scouser finds the Memory Man in a cave in the mountains.

The Scouser steps forward, bows and greets the Native American in what he imagines from old films to be his traditional native tongue:

"How."

The Memory Man squints at him and says:

"Diving header in the six-yard box."

RIP Ian, they knew you everywhere.

👍

[abbobrom]

Darn, I'm older than dirt!!



Someone asked the other day,,,,,,,,,,,,,

'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up ,'

I informed him, ' All the food was slow .'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,' I explained!

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work,

we sat down together at the dining room table, & if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.



Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:



Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.



My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow) .



We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 11, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people ...

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was & so was bread .



All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 5 AM every morning .



Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies! There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive .

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust their gut laughing.



Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it ?



MEMORIES :



My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old .



How many do you remember ?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor .
Ignition switches on the dashboard .
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards .
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner .
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals .

Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember , NOT the ones you were told about !
Ratings at the bottom .

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes

3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephones
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels!! If you had a TV!!

7. Pea-shooters
8. Howdy Doody

9. 45 RPM records

10. 78 rpm records
11. Hi-fi records 33 1/3 rpm
12. Metal ice trays with lever
13. Blue flashbulb
14. Cork popguns

15. Studebakers

16. Wash tub wringers
<>
If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age, &
If you remembered 11-16 = You're older than dirt !!! THAT'S ME !!!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life .

Don't forget to pass this along !!
Especially to all your really OLD friends

[Woking88]

Excellent stuff Abbo!

[WOODLANDSWOLF]

A fine cornucopia of nostalgia Abbo [try saying that with false teeth!] The only two I missed were Howdy Doody and Studebaker but they were from across the pond anyway I think. Like you mate I am an old fart and on April 1st I will be one year older and fartier!!

Bring it on.