anything goes

[abbobrom]

An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

[abbobrom]

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on ***, marriage, and family values..

Bill said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Larry replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

[abbobrom]

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your Honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
____________________

[abbobrom]

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."

[WOODLANDSWOLF]

Great stuff Abbo!

Old man goes to the doctor complaining that he is having trouble with "The Squitters". The doctor askes him what is the problem specifically, "are you not regular"? The old guy replies " regular as clockwork doctor, 7,oclock every morning, the problem is I don't get out of bed till 8.30'!!

I thank you!!!

[abbobrom]

An old Irish World War II Spitfire pilot and flying ACE, was speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough as the Germans had a very strong Air Force.

I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokker’s appeared."

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realised that two of the fokker’s were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, several of the elderly ladies of the church were blushing with embarrassment, the girls were all giggling and the boys laughing loudly.

The pastor finally stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company, who made many of the planes used by the Germans during the war."

"Yes, that's true," says the old pilot, "but these fokker’s were flying Messerschmitt’s"

[Woking88]

Nice one George!

[abbobrom]

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave Barry

[abbobrom]

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

[abbobrom]

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.