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Thread: anything goes

  1. #81
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    I was a Beano and Eagle man myself, can't say I remember either of those two.

  2. #82
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    It snowed last night...

    8:00 am: I made a snowman.

    8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

    8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

    8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

    8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

    8:22 - The transgender man..women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

    8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

    8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

    8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

    8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

    8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic
    role.

    8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

    8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a
    ***ist.

    9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

    9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

    9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

    By noon it all melted

    Moral:

    There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.

  3. #83
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    Great post Abbo, loved it.

    Stumbled on this photo, can you imagine the reaction nowadays!

    Bloody funny though.

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  4. #84
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    Woody, it would have caused a riot. They can't even recite Ba Ba black Sheep in school anymore. And the Marmalade has had to take a back seat.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbobrom View Post
    Woody, it would have caused a riot. They can't even recite Ba Ba black Sheep in school anymore. And the Marmalade has had to take a back seat.
    Abbo, I do remember collecting tokens from the Robertson's jam & marmalade, so I/we could order one of their many golliwog dolls, which were created for kids. It was all genuinely innocent for me then in the early to mid 70s.
    But now look at it, so called PC has taken over and ruined all of that. So much that they stopped using blackboards at school, it became chalkboards or simply the board eventually.
    The world of PC should be there to serve an important purpose, but I think its gone way too far and its now shoved in our faces way too much.
    Ok rant over lads, Im off nahh to cool daarn sumwhere lol.

  6. #86
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    watched a documentary about robert mitchum last night,,it was really good.
    this legendary actor was jailed in 1948 for 2 months for possessing marijuana ( did not know that ! ) and went on with his acting career.
    he managed to shag a fair few of his leading film ladies ( total respect ).. . some of these bints were really taken up with him,ava gardner wanted him to leave his and family for her
    and shirley maclaine was so smitten , mitchum sent his bodyguard with a letter for her telling her to keep away.
    he went to vietnam to boost troop morale and ended up going on missions with them.
    he turned up on set pissed quite often , after his death his son said that mitchum had
    got up in the night smoked a cigarette down to the butt , drank a large glass of tequila went back to bed and never woke up.

    best film i remember him starring in was cape fear..
    Last edited by Greavseywolf; 22-01-2021 at 12:32 PM.

  7. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Greavseywolf View Post
    watched a documentary about robert mitchum last night,,it was really good.
    this legendary actor was jailed in 1948 for 2 months for possessing marijuana ( did not know that ! ) and went on with his acting career.
    he managed to shag a fair few of his leading film ladies ( total respect ).. . some of these bints were really taken up with him,ava gardner wanted him to leave his and family for her
    and shirley maclaine was so smitten , mitchum sent his bodyguard with a letter for her telling her to keep away.
    he went to vietnam to boost troop morale and ended up going on missions with them.
    he turned up on set pissed quite often , after his death his son said that mitchum had
    got up in the night smoked a cigarette down to the butt , drank a large glass of tequila went back to bed and never woke up.

    best film i remember him starring in was cape fear..
    And now we get Johnny Depp. Go figure!

  8. #88
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    Mar 2008
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    17,646
    Quote Originally Posted by Greavseywolf View Post
    watched a documentary about robert mitchum last night,,it was really good.
    this legendary actor was jailed in 1948 for 2 months for possessing marijuana ( did not know that ! ) and went on with his acting career.
    he managed to shag a fair few of his leading film ladies ( total respect ).. . some of these bints were really taken up with him,ava gardner wanted him to leave his and family for her
    and shirley maclaine was so smitten , mitchum sent his bodyguard with a letter for her telling her to keep away.
    he went to vietnam to boost troop morale and ended up going on missions with them.
    he turned up on set pissed quite often , after his death his son said that mitchum had
    got up in the night smoked a cigarette down to the butt , drank a large glass of tequila went back to bed and never woke up.

    best film i remember him starring in was cape fear..
    Sounds like a typical bloke! Respect!

  9. #89
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Subject: FW: Fifty Shades of Grey by Pam Ayres….apparently not!



    My research tells me that in 2013 Pam Ayres said that she did NOT write this poem – it is attributed to a writer called John Summers!

    M.



     FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)


    The missus bought a Paperback,

    down Shepton Mallet way,

    I had a look inside her bag;

    .... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".



    Well I just left her to it,

    And at ten I went to bed.

    An hour later she appeared;

    The sight filled me with dread...



    In her left she held a rope;

    And in her right a whip!

    She threw them down upon the floor,

    And then began to strip.



    Well fifty years or so ago;

    I might have had a peek;

    But Mabel hasn't weathered well;

    She's eighty four next week!!



    Watching Mabel bump and grind;

    Could not have been much grimmer.

    And things then went from bad to worse;

    She toppled off her Zimmer!



    She struggled back upon her feet;

    A couple minutes later;

    She put her teeth back in and said

    I am a dominater !!



    Now if you knew our Mabel,

    You'd see just why I spluttered,

    I'd spent two months in traction

    For the last complaint I'd uttered.



    She stood there nude and naked

    Bent forward just a bit

    I went to hold her, sensual like

    and stood on her left tit!



    Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

    My god what had I done!?

    She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

    "Step on the other one"!!



    Well readers, I can't tell no more;

    About what occurred that day.

    Suffice to say my jet black hair,

    Turned fifty shades of grey.

  10. #90
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    15,426
    Great stuff, keep em coming!

    Reminds me of when I was on a job at Llanwern Steelworks in the 70s. I was staying in Newport with my mate who was an obsessive skirt chaser. He was in the habit of driving into Cardiff looking for crumpet and one night on the way back, after an unsuccessful foray, he spotted a girl/woman hitchhiking. He said "it was raining bad and I just caught a glimpse of blond hair, a shiny white raincoat and a thumb in the air so I pulled over. He said he didn't really take a good look at her during the journey, to her house, however when he got inside and she put the light on all was revealed. He described her as a toothless hag of around 70 with enough make up on to double her body weight.

    She chased him around the house for a while until he managed to make his escape. He said it hampered his performance for around the next week or so because every time he was about to take the plunge with a new conquest her face would come floating out of his subconscious.

    The things of which nightmares are made!

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