anything goes

[Wolfiebill]

I've got a small funny video clip (.MP4) that I have been sent and downloaded. Can anyone explain how I upload to this site, please?

[abbobrom]

England v Scotland - June 2021




A friend of mine has two tickets in a corporate box for England v Scotland. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them that it was going to be the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.


If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.










It's at Durham Registry Office, at 2.30pm. The bride's name is Moira, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook.


Hope it is of interest to someone!

How are you fixed?

[Greavseywolf]

I've got a small funny video clip (.MP4) that I have been sent and downloaded. Can anyone explain how I upload to this site, please?

bill is it a youtube clip ?

[Wolfiebill]

No Greavsey, its a WhatsApp attachment that my Wife forwarded to me. If you want etc. let me have your WhatsApp address and I'll forward it.

[Greavseywolf]

No Greavsey, its a WhatsApp

attachment that my Wife forwarded to me. If you want etc. let me have your WhatsApp address and I'll forward it.

Bill you need to create a YouTube account and channel. ( I don't have one). Then upload the WhatsApp video to it.

[Greavseywolf]

testing

[Greavseywolf]

testing 2

[abbobrom]

There was a plane with 5 people on board-Donald Trump; The Pope; Nicola Sturgeon, Boris Johnson and a ten year old schoolboy.

The plane developed a fault and was heading for a crash and there were only 4 parachutes on board



Nicola Sturgeon shouted “I need one, I have to deal with Scotland”. She took one and jumped



The Pope said- “I have got to sort out the Catholic Church”. He took one and jumped

Donald Trump said “I need one. I am the smartest person in America” He took one and jumps.



Boris looked at the lad and said “You can have the last one. I have lived my life and yours is only just starting”



The lad replied “Don’t worry. There are 2 parachutes left. The smartest person in America took my satchel”





MORAL



Look before you leap

[abbobrom]

FOR THOSE WHO ARE BORED WITH THE CURRENT RESTRICTIONS :

Something for seniors to do to keep those "aging" grey cells active! And for you younger ones, to get them growing!!



1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language... is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the Prime Minister’s Name...in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?




Here are the Answers: (No peeking!)

1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the Prime Minister's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Boris Johnson [Oh, come on ...]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.


Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category.


TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS

Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out....

See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?
1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess


Give it another try....
Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the Answer. This is so cool.....

REMEMBER I ONLY SENT THIS TO MY SMART FRIENDS

NOW DON'T LET ME DOWN

No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters....
Answer is below!


Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

No? Then send this to more people and stump them as well.

Then, you'll feel better too.....!

[Greavseywolf]

I detest all forms of family gatherings and especially xmas cos of such.so the present climate offered some respite from the annual purgatory. but no! the stupid powers that be ( against scientific advice) are allowing the yearly hell to go ahead with 3 family's under the same roof. well, we all know what will follow, infection rates to go through the roof.
the NHS will be swamped ,great start to the new year ????
have talked this through with the missus and it is just us 2 this crimbo, not going anywhere not inviting anyone.
stay safe this xmas folks