Victorian Humour

[1959_60]

If you think that Michael McIntyre is bad, then just be thankful that you didn't live in the Victorian era.

Apparently, the selection below is what our forefathers considered to be rib-ticklers.

Why is a dog like a tree? Because they both lose their bark once they're dead.

"See here, wait, I've found a button in my salad." "That's all right, sir, it's part of the dressing."

Marriage is an institution intended to keep women out of mischief and get them into trouble.

Why are circus horses the slowest breed? Because they are taught horses.

Who is the greatest chicken-killer in Shakespeare? Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

If William Penn's aunts kept a pastry shop, what would be the prices of their pies? The pie-rates of Penn's Aunts.

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company? Because it is two gross.

"There's a man at Camberwell so fat that they grease the omnibus-wheels with his shadow."

HE: "I am a millionaire. Haven't I got money enough for both of us?'"
SHE: "Yes, if you are moderate in your tastes."

Doesn't it make you dizzy to waltz? Yes, but one must get used to it, you know. It's the way of the whirled.

WIFE: "You loved me before we were married!"
HUSBAND: "Well, now it's your turn!"

Pawnbrokers prefer customers without any redeeming qualities.

Moving in unfashionable circles: wearing a crinoline.

Why is a manuscript always called a MS.? Because that is the state in which the editor finds it.

If all the seas were dried up, what would Neptune say? I really haven't got a notion.

A lady wrote the following letters at the bottom of her flour barrel: O I C U R M T.

Why is the devil riding a mouse like one and the same thing? Because it is synonymous.

"I have the best wife in the world," said the long-suffering husband. "She always strikes me with the soft end of the broom."

SERVANT: "Ma'am, your husband has eloped with the cook!"
WIFE: "Good! Now I can have the maid to myself, once in a while."

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman? One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander.

[The Bedlington Terrier]

Have you stopped walking on the beach 59er.

You obviously don't do boredom very well!

[Altobelli]

Very good, I enjoyed them 59

[outwoodclaret]

I say I say I say my dog’s got no nose. Your dog’s got no nose how does he smell? Terrible.

[outwoodclaret]

What bird does not build its own nest? Answer a cuckoo. How is that? Because it lives in a clock.

[The Bedlington Terrier]

What bird does not build its own nest? Answer a cuckoo. How is that? Because it lives in a clock.

Get back in your box now outwood, yours are worse than 59er's.

[The Bedlington Terrier]

I say I say I say my dog’s got no nose. Your dog’s got no nose how does he smell? Terrible.

I'm contributing one Victorian joke only and this is it:

Why is a Christmas Cake akin to the Atlantic Ocean?

Because they are both ripping with currants.

[Supersub6]

I'm not being left out

I can't believe how rude the suppository helpline was.

[The Bedlington Terrier]

I'm not being left out

I can't believe how rude the suppository helpline was.

Lol! That's funny Supersub6, but I'm not sure the Victorians had a "Suppository Helpline".

[Supersub6]

Lol! That's funny Supersub6, but I'm not sure the Victorians had a "Suppository Helpline".

Lol! With the response that I got, I'll bet that they were pleased about that!