Best Christmas Jokes for 2020...

[Supersub6]

WHen one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects!

[oldcolner]

WHen one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

Been in a few myself, but they are no joke! I was able to leave when I chose though.
What was a joke at that time was the prisoners could sue the Prison Service and the Prison Service paid for their lawyers to do it.

[Supersub6]

Been in a few myself, but they are no joke! I was able to leave when I chose though.
What was a joke at that time was the prisoners could sue the Prison Service and the Prison Service paid for their lawyers to do it.

Likewise OC, our local prison used to play in our Sunday League, of which I was secretary, and I used to go up there regualrly for various things relating to registration of players. Obviously, they could not play away games and one season this proved a big problem because they got through to two Cup Finals.
This caused much consternation amongst the other teams because we normally played our finals on Ashington's ground and they are currently in the Northern League. Anyway, I had to arrange the two finals at the prison and Sodexo, who owned the prison, sponsored the finals because we could not have spectators and they were very generous. The teams that they played moaned on becaue it was not their usual day out, however, I just told them that they had voted that the prison be allowed to play in the League and that as soon as the final was finished they could go to the pub and either celebrate or drown their sorrows! As it turned out, the prison lost both finals but were really happy that they had been allowed to play.

[The Bedlington Terrier]

Been in a few myself, but they are no joke! I was able to leave when I chose though.
What was a joke at that time was the prisoners could sue the Prison Service and the Prison Service paid for their lawyers to do it.

We will soon have 100,000 of our citizens locked up and I cannot for the life of me see a funny side to that.

[outwoodclaret]

When a young Sean Dyche unwrapped his first model train set at Christmas and saw the locomotive he screamed with delight. It was a 4-4-2 of course!

[The Bedlington Terrier]

How on earth did this one resurface?

Assuming Christmas is on this year I'll get mine in early.

It was passed on to me by my 5 year old grandson and he thought it was funny, so here goes...

Grandson's question: “What is Santa’s favourite pizza?”

Grandson's answer: "One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.”

He tried.