...a doctor

Yes, a 28% survival rate isn't great but ask any of my media buddies and they'll tell you I've done a brilliant job at all my other hospitals and some of my patients who've survived say I've got the best bedside manner they've ever encountered.

No, 2 patients alive out of the last 19 isn't the best but we've been badly affected by the virus and injuries and there are lots of other doctors worried about their patients too. Plus we've got 10 more patients o go and I'm sure we'll get to the magic survival rate, whatever that is.

Ah, look-people's reaction to the death rate is just well over the top...in fact there's a lot of hysteria around. The pateints' families are too demanding, always have been but I don't let it get to me-just going to roll my sleeves up and go again.

What? No, that Brazilian junior doctor has had a lot of stick but I think he's been excellent despite only curing 3 out of almost 60 patients. And I know there are other treatments available but we've worked hard on using the leeches and blood-letting so we're going to ignore the antibiotics and vaccines and stick with our tried and tested methods.

How's the bacon, you say?I'll have one since you're offering. One for Jonjo as well, he's a good lad.