Oh dear....

[dagenhamJohn]

Kick the old witch unconscious then dissolve her in a bath of sulphuric acid.
Maybe Acido can help you there Daggers

Thank you sir for your kind advice.... But,


Dear President Loukachenko.

My mother in law is taking Ryanair flight 1286 from Paris to Moscow at 8am tomorrow. She'll be flying over your country at about 11.

I have distinctly heard her criticise your regime on numerous occasions and at lunch last Sunday she called you a Kant!.



You're welcome!

[Acido]

Kick the old witch unconscious then dissolve her in a bath of sulphuric acid.
Maybe Acido can help you there Daggers

Err no Tricky, Im named after a completely different kind of acid, the tabs you used to get easily in nightclubs.

[Tricky1966]

Drugs are bad Acido.
Just say no

[dagenhamJohn]

Kick the old witch unconscious then dissolve her in a bath of sulphuric acid.
Maybe Acido can help you there Daggers

Have you. like me, considered an Egyptian funeral with gold and silver buried with you to pay your way in the afterlife ? I'm having the yaks in as well, you of course would have Horace and Gertrude along with larry the gargling goat!

I've arranged for 50 asylum seekers to be entombed for eternity under the pyramid I'm having built in Yeovil. They'll be coaxed in as there'll be a sign saying 'Benefits Office' at the entrance. Once in it will be sealed off. They can protect it from tomb raiders until the hula hoops run out and they croak but it's good to know they'll be useful and not a burden to the tax payer after paddling across the channel.

It'll cost though. I may have to sell one of the mansions.

[Acido]

Drugs are bad Acido. Just say no

Hey as daft as it sounds Tricky mate, I never took it!.
But I regularly lost the plot just laughing my ar*se off, watching people react to it after taking it. Hey I reckon it was a much sillier higher buzz for me, than actually taking the stuff itself!!.

And that is where the 'Acido' thing came from (originally it was meant to be Acid Man), so I suppose I was actually born in a Blackpool nightclub.

[Tricky1966]

Good man Acido.
Look what drugs did to Roly in Grange Hill
As you are a connoisseur of the Blackpool club life you must have met that old dog Coleen Nolan

[dagenhamJohn]

Kick the old witch unconscious then dissolve her in a bath of sulphuric acid.
Maybe Acido can help you there Daggers

Indeed my most venerable disciple,

Seems like a plan my learned friend and something I've been mulling over for a while now.

The elderly need respect and what could be worse than finding granny mummified in the kitchen chair because nobody's bothered to call for 9 months ?

Disgraceful, so for a competitive price I'm setting up 'West Country Wasting' and your beloved old relatives can go out with a bang, and of course a degree of dignity.

Like yourself I offer 3 packages, and importantly all in tune with local life and history.

The Bronze package, 25k, involves them being tried in a mock court by a Judge Jeffreys lookalike for rebelling against the King in the Monmouth Rebellion, sentenced to death and humanely beheaded.

The Silver package, 35k, will see them dragged into the Somerset marshes and caught by marauders from a Viking re-enaction society then being sacrificed in the Blood Eagle ritual with their lungs being dragged out of a gaping axe wound in their backs...still alive of course so they can pose for final send off photos.

The Gold package is 50k. Pricey but worth it. Granny or Grandad is taken into a field and pegged down then a combined harvester runs them over scaterring the pieces over a wide area while the Wurzels sing 'Oi am a Coider drinker' from a nearby stage.

[Acido]

Good man Acido. Look what drugs did to Roly in Grange Hill
As you are a connoisseur of the Blackpool club life you must have met that old dog Coleen Nolan ...

I used to think I would like to meet Coleen and go outside behind the back of the bike sheds with her etc. But goodness me she has let herself go, now she looks more like Ozzy flippin Ozbourn without the gigs.

[Tricky1966]

I used to think I would like to meet Coleen and go outside behind the back of the bike sheds with her etc. But goodness me she has let herself go, now she looks more like Ozzy flippin Ozbourn without the gigs.

And her beaver must look like a wizards sleeve flapping in the wind

[dagenhamJohn]

And her beaver must look like a wizards sleeve flapping in the wind

A few shots of rum and did i hear a back scuttle is on?....
Christ i'm hard....