Darren Mowbray

[57vintage]

Oh, the Vision and Mission statements I have drafted, the funding bids and tenders I’ve had to populate with such utterly meaningless pish, the principles, ground rules and vacuous objectives I’ve been asked to originate for organisations, departments and teams when I was employed by organisations headed up by air-headed subscribers to such plop.

The horror, the horror.

I did once crowbar in 7 or 8 Elvis Costello album titles into a Curriculum Policy Committee paper on Post-Higher Still Assessment Verification though.

Little victories.

And what the ****, in an organisation titled Aberdeen Football Club, is “the football operation”?

Blx.

[wester_ross_don]

^^^^This. With low hanging fruit on.

Was amusing and ironic when Gus Hedges (no relation) did it on Drop the Dead Donkey - these MBA fast track types actually believe it!

It's even better when the lesser management-w@nk types pick up on it too, but get it slightly wrong.

I've had more than one wannabe-corporate type use "to all intensive purposes" in an email, and one particularly annoying person that used "row back" instead of "roll back". (That'd be "come about" ya prick, or did you just mean "reverse" ...)

And breathe ...

[redscot]

"Challenger Brand" really boiled my piss.

[Aldo1983]

For ****’s sake, I thought that fitba at least allowed me some respite from the tedious meaningless managerialist *******s used by airheaded ****s trying to impress on their way up the ladder. Looks like this is straight from the Zoe Ogilvie’s business speak lexicon:

“The club’s data-driven focus to player recruitment, incorporated with targeted live scouting, is crucial in modern-day football and is strongly aligned with my own background, experiences and skill set”.

A couple of examples of “going forward”, at least one “omni-channel”, a “sustainability” or two, a “world class” and a “best practice” might have been included, just to demonstate to “potential stakeholders” the “demonstrable pro-activity inherent in our ever-developing business practices”.

**** off, but good luck.

I'm all for having someone doing that role...whatever it is but I did cringe at this **** speak as well.

[57vintage]

My son-in-law, with whom I swap such linguistic horrors, has responded:

“Personally I think we should do a full 360 on his performance, and if he's sub-optimal to the KPIs we should sense-check his SLA and horizon scan for a fresh world class talent to help us tackle the challenges ahead. We must ensure that this issue is not kicked into the long grass by keeping our eye on the ball of better human resource management.

Only then will we actualise our goals.”

[Auldtoontoby]

He could write multiple pages of corporate speak, but if he unearths a gem or two that we sign ,that's all I care about.

[InversneckieDob]

Was amusing and ironic when Gus Hedges (no relation) did it on Drop the Dead Donkey - these MBA fast track types actually believe it!

I've used a version of that line over and over down the years....

" Fu ck me.....this place is run by folk that wouldnae get why Gus Hedges was funny."

[InversneckieDob]

For ****’s sake, I thought that fitba at least allowed me some respite from the tedious meaningless managerialist *******s used by airheaded ****s trying to impress on their way up the ladder. Looks like this is straight from the Zoe Ogilvie’s business speak lexicon:

“The club’s data-driven focus to player recruitment, incorporated with targeted live scouting, is crucial in modern-day football and is strongly aligned with my own background, experiences and skill set”.

A couple of examples of “going forward”, at least one “omni-channel”, a “sustainability” or two, a “world class” and a “best practice” might have been included, just to demonstate to “potential stakeholders” the “demonstrable pro-activity inherent in our ever-developing business practices”.

**** off, but good luck.

I've never met the woman, I have zero experience of her skill set ( ) but I'm finding I dislike her to a disproportionate, wholly disproportionate, level.

Mebbe it's the staunch daughter playing in our colours, but I think it's the dog pic.

That boiled my p!ss big time.

You're merried to a h*n, you bred a h*n, shameful behaviour so keep it fu cking quiet, eh?