Fact check: Craigown is **** all "the main house", the castle itself is. Craigowan is,at the end of the back road into the place, at the turn-off (as these leeches are) where Strachan's shoppie is/was off the South Deeside road. I was driving up to it to deliver stuff when the jug-luggit heir waved to me from the front window. I ignored him, thinking that it was Ian Durrant. The same day, one of the London undercover tarryhats (fine enough boys) flagged me down to say, "Hemmin, 57 min, ye ****in radge o hell and several neighbouring postcode districts, the wee prince (the jug-luggit heir's only son) has started walking, ca canny when you reverse up to the back door".

As I was cairting the goods in to the back door, the jug-luggit heir's then wife appeared with the loon, simpered that smile and wished me "good morning". Whatever happened to them?

I met the 1980 league-winning squad (by coincidence) on the night we clinched the title at Firhill, so they're nae the most famous people I've ever met.