Autism?

[Omegstrat6]

Here is some f the stuff I have learnt over the years. Obviously the spectrum is huge so may or may not apply to your own situation.

Many on the spectrum have sensory issues which may inc noise/ bright lights/busy places/ textures of food or clothing. With clothing it can help to remove tags and with food many have a limited diet and eat only blander food with no "bits" in and will not tolerate different food stuffs touching on their plate (a common hate of parents of children on the spectrum is when the maker of a favourite food then launches a "new and improved" version that said child then refuses to eat!), Having a sensory "quiet" place is often of benefit and may inc soft lighting, gentle background music and ultra-soft furnishings, Think hippyish/New Age oil projector lamps and "sounds of nature" relaxation tapes. Sensory "fidgit" toys may also help with anxiety-but beware as anything labelled as a "sensory" aid generally means a stupid hike in price and you can often find similar products much cheaper.

Children on the spectrum can often be prone to melt-downs but this is mostly due to frustration and the fact that they do not have the language skills to communicate how they are feeling nor the ability yet to better process their emotions. I this regard, they are not unlike the temper tantrums of a normal 2 or 3 year old but they can last for much longer and, as they get older and physically stronger, they can present greater concerns for their own safety and that of others. As a rule, in boys, these meltdowns tend to get less as they enter their mid-late ****s as they learn to better process things. The key is to try and spot any triggers for these in advance to prevent the meltdown in the first place.

When giving instructions keep them short and to the point. Frustrating as it may be, if they have not done something you have asked them to, do not keep on at them requesting the same thing as this will just overwhelm them. Do not give multiple instructions at once either as this will just confuse them-eg "put your jumper on, oh and your coat because its cold outside-ad dont forget your bag!". Just one short instruction at a time and given in a calm voice.

Many children on the spectrum avoid eye contact which is seen as being "rude" but really it is because they find it hard to read body language and are simply concentrating on what is being said. Another typical aspergers trait is an inability to understand social nicities such as saying "please" or "thankyou" as they dont understand why they need to and, again, this is seen as being just rude. Those with aspergers may also fail to understand certain humour or jokes as they take things literally (think of characters like Star Trek's Mr Spock or Saga, the Swedish detective in The Bridge)

It is important to encourage them to build relationships and engage with people outside of the family (eg teachers/support workers) and to encourage them to do new things and go to different enviroments. You cannot force this, but with encouragement and the right stratergies, their confidence and social skills will improve.

Anyhow, hope some of this is useful and that I havent "taught you to suck eggs"!

[baggieal]

Hi Mick
As others have said, the most important thing is for him to get an EHCP. In order to get this you need a formal diagnosis. In our own case, we picked up that something was amiss when our youngest (now 18) went to nursery but it was not until he began having issues in reception class and a friend suggested possible aspergers, that we researched it further. In the end we downloaded some aspergers tests from the internet and used these in support of our discussions with both his GP and the school. This resulted in him being referred to an Occupational Therapist at the local childrens clinic and to him getting his formal diagnosis of aspergers. The Statement of educational special needs (since replaced by the EHCP) then followed.
Sadly, whilst an EHCP is a need-to-have, so much depends on your particular local county council, the individual school and individual teachers. We have met some brilliant people but they have all been hampered by lack of funding and increased workloads. Government funding for education has been continually eroded for years and particularly funding for those with special needs. Whilst some SENCO teachers have been excellent, others have clearly attended a few courses and are proof that a little knowledge is, indeed, a dangerous thing. The one thing that is almost a certainty is that you will have to be prepared to fight for any help/funding and be prepared to put up with a lot of frustration and being passed from pillar to post but hang in there!

I had attempted to post some tips/advice for those with children on the spectrum but am new to this forum and I either typed too much or it timed out and-despite auto-save-I lost it all! Will try and put on a separate post

Good post! What’s coming out of this is don’t wait for help to jump out - it won’t so as this post says do your own research and it will help you all the way.

I was diagnosed with cancer last year and did my own research and even saw a leading consultant in the USA who was fantastic. The operation I had is hardly mentioned in the U.K. and without doubt the best option I could have chosen. Others with the same cancer will just go with the bog standard options the consultant will offer you which did not appeal to me - none of them did. It could have ruined my life!

So the message is do your own research with everything - listen to others and don’t take what you are offered as gospel and don’t put your trust in one professional!

[Omegstrat6]

Sorry-just one other thing:

Children on the spectrum love routine and so one thing almost guaranteed to ramp their anxieties up are certain surprises. Planning can be an important tool in avoiding a potential meltdown. For example, you suddenly decide to take the family out for a meal tonight. Don't just land this on them. It is far better if you let them know in advance so they can take in all the information and try and deal with their anxieties and they will probably want to know when they are going, where, who with and for how long as well as worrying about what they are going to have to eat.

OK. Thats it as Ive probably rambled enough. Hope some of it helps and good luck!

[mickd1961]

I should point out again that this isn’t my natural grandson, it’s my son’s partners little lad.

I really appreciate all of the advice and I’m passing it on to his mother but I have to be careful not to be the know it all outsider and be seen to be taking over from his grandparents.

Appreciate all the comments and advice though.

[Omegstrat6]

Hi Mick
I think that anyone who has a child in their family who is on the spectrum will empathize with others in a similar situation and want to offer their support and advice as it can be tough going at times but I do understand the delicacy of your situation. Anyhow, all the best and hope that your son and his partner get the help and support they need for little un