Reply With Quote200 yard drive just off to right of fairway. 2y
5 iron to heart of green. 2g
Lovely putt for birdie 3. 5g
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Breakdown:
2y
3y
5g
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200 yard drive just off to right of fairway. 2y
5 iron to heart of green. 2g
Lovely putt for birdie 3. 5g
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HOLE 17
Trees to RHS, ditch and fields to RHS
Managed to drive past ditch and into middle of fairway 2y
5 iron to fringe of green 2y
To Putt or not to putt. Weighed up options of clubs (letters) left.
Went for putt from 45ft and in it dropped ! 5g
Pretty chuffed with last three holes
Birdie on 17th
Pulled it back to 4 over for the round
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I knew it would be too good to last.
After one day of Lording overall control of the Universe and everything within it as Godhead, some sciencey b@stard has finally proved that I don’t exist and POOF, instantly I am back amongst the rain and trash on the backstreets of Sh*tville. As you were. Carry on.
Who would have thought that we’d end up in a Multiverse? I shudder. An infinite number of Montys. Doesn’t bear thinking about.
I carefully extract the half bottle of Asda Gin from the sleeping Ruthy Notoothy and make my way to Spoons which is just opening for breakfast. Max Vegetable and Ronnie O’Tw@t are in there already on the John Smiths but I’m going in for real. You don’t have a weekend like I’ve had without carrying some wounds that need treatment so straight up with 3 Leffes and an optic crawl, one of each. That will put the wind in my sails.
Off to the Clubby and things are a little less blurred. Jesus, before he was disproved to exist only as an element of fiction, left me a new bat carrier, which on closer inspection had a rather dubious consignment of what could be illegal erotic photography! Who the hell did he get this from?
The Ghost of Kerr was now working behind the bar which is difficult. How do I make eye contact with him when we both know that I was responsible for his brutal murder?
“Bottle of vodka please mate, and…um…sorry about that”
“Glurrah. Hummphh. Gnuuurrrr. Jurisprudence” The Ghost of Kerr uttered mournfully trying to unscrew the bottle; increasingly tricky as his left arm had just fallen off.
“For f*ck’s sake give it here” I snapped and wrestled the Voddy from his grasp, unfortunately bringing his right arm with it too. I unscrewed it and hungrily slurped the first third whilst ignoring his severed arm flopping helplessly around my face. “Useless dead c*nt” I shouted cleverly over my shoulder as Kerr wept whilst walking repeatedly into door. Maybe the next universe will be kinder to him?
Out on the Golfle court, I awaited the heavily bandaged Ronners to make his first serve being watched maliciously be a lady with a huge thumb. Good shot Ronners (remember what I said about the shovel and the remote part of the woods? Wink wink)
My turn. This time it is a majestic serve, straight down the Fair Lay, dropping right onto the grassy green thing with flag and rolling meekly straight into the hole in the ground in ONE SHOT!! YEESSSS!!! A HOLE IN ONE!! YOU GET THAT YOU LOSERS. I GOT A HOLE IN F*CKING ONE!!!!!!
Of course I didn’t. It landed in a bugg’r (0g 1y).
Looking up to my right I noticed a body hanging upside down from a tree, bruised and bloodied and wearing only a cardigan. A furious man, American perhaps, stalked away from the body uttering something about… “sloppy moderation”? No idea what this means, but the cardigan man must have been doing it very badly.
Right, let’s get busy. I drained the last of the Voddy and remembered I had a little pouch of my Special Friend which I rapturously consumed before using Ghost of Kerr’s arm to smack a beauty of a shot straight out of the bugg@r and onto the grassy green thing with flag. Perhaps one Ian Porterfield and the legs of Emlyn Hughes away from the hole in the ground (2g 2y). A simple tap in using Kerr’s white thumb, and the Bird is complete. (5g)
A multiverse. Infinite. Never ending. A universe for every possible eventuality. And still there isn’t one where Tom Eaves scores a goal….
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Another classic pup.....f%&$#n pissed missen again, too much to drink again, so off to change but hopefully just the wife😂 ffs dont tell her shhh 🤕 UTMOriginally Posted by ragingpup
Moderator
Must be any easy hole this 17th. Fitting for a golf course I just saw green all the way today for a birdie despite the air shot for my 2nd when I was distracted by some drunken chuntering in the trees.
2g
2g
5g
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Well, that was possibly the best hole we will all ever play. EVERYBODY birdied! I wonder how our perfect 3.0 will compare with the Wordl stats.
Have to say, as one of the stragglers onto the course - and seeing all the good results so far - I was very nervous I would fluff it.
Managed to keep a steady hand, though:
3y
1g 3y
5g
Even with borrowed clubs. (Still no sign of mine...Raging, get down off that metaphysical cloud - you've no business in heaven, even allegorically - and tell me what happened to them. I know you're holding back!)
One hole to go. Howdy's telling us it ain't over till the diva with the callypigian rear starts up - but he would need to have a major meltdown and one of the other leaders to shoot a 1 or 2 for him to lose. We will see.
Some good play from those in the lower reaches of the leaderboard which might be exciting (A bit like that F1 series on Netflix where they sometimes showed the battle for 7th or 8th place...)
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Tuesday 5
Five past Wales later
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Par 4.
Straight short drive. 1g
Poor direction and distance on iron. Into bunker 1y 1g
Hacked out to 25ft. 1y 1g
Rolled it up and it trickled in for a nerve racking par. 5g
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The wife said to me first thing this morning "you do know what day it is today?" and I thought f**k what have I forgot? but she carried on and said "it's the last hole on the MM golf tournament" thank f**k for that, I thought it was something important, I thought to myself. I think she did it on purpose because last night she asked me if I fancied a 3some so I said oh yes absolutely.
She asked me which of her friends she would like me to ask so i said Gemma and Rachel, which meant the 3some was off for some reason....women eh!!!
Anyway on to the tee for the last time in the tournament (29th Nov)
Hit a decent drive straight down the middle of the fairway and around 80yds from the green (2y)
The wife shouted "at least play with a smile on your face, like you're enjoying it" and to be fair she really knows how to show me a good time, she often points at people and says "Look, they're having a good time"... bitch. I hit my next shot well but the wind caught it and it landed on the edge of the green, around 30yds from the flag leaving me a tricky decision (2y)
I had a brainwave of how I would play it, the wife was trying to coach me but I wasn't going to take any advice from her. She's always telling me I have 2 faults, 1 is I dont listen, and something else. Anyway, I took out my big splutter, knocked the ball towards the hole but it broke further left than I thought and ended up around 8 inches off the hole. (1g+1y)
Another tricky putt, and after some thought swapped my big splutter for the little one and tentatively rolled it towards the hole and it just dropped in for a parp 4 (5g)
2y
2y
1g+1y
5g
UTM
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