ot - White dog turd watch

[SBRed48]

Thank you Arbs. Fox sh1te was not a variable brought into the last data collection several years ago and could have distorted the results, especially with a small sample size (geddit) similar to your observations.

It could be argued that foxes are likely to consume a greater proportion of bone than domestic dogs and therefore are more likely to deposit samples of white sh1te. Also fox sh1te is less likely to be collected and hung on the branches of bushes in small plastic bags. I have not observed fox sh1te but I am informed by colleagues it is indeed similar in size, shape, structure and general appearance to dog sh1te.

If you know the whereabouts of this fox's den I would be grateful if you could throw a 1 metre square wooden sampling grid square onto the ground at several random locations at the entrance to the den and record any findings. If you are approached by a Police Wildlife Officer or member of the public who asks "WTF are you doing mate ?" just say "White Turd Survey pal" or refer them to our team in Sowerby Bridge.

[Barnsley Chop]

Thank you Arbs. Fox sh1te was not a variable brought into the last data collection several years ago and could have distorted the results, especially with a small sample size (geddit) similar to your observations.

It could be argued that foxes are likely to consume a greater proportion of bone than domestic dogs and therefore are more likely to deposit samples of white sh1te. Also fox sh1te is less likely to be collected and hung on the branches of bushes in small plastic bags. I have not observed fox sh1te but I am informed by colleagues it is indeed similar in size, shape, structure and general appearance to dog sh1te.

If you know the whereabouts of this fox's den I would be grateful if you could throw a 1 metre square wooden sampling grid square onto the ground at several random locations at the entrance to the den and record any findings. If you are approached by a Police Wildlife Officer or member of the public who asks "WTF are you doing mate ?" just say "White Turd Survey pal" or refer them to our team in Sowerby Bridge.

Can you let us have your post code to send WT samples to you and your team please SB?

No returns allowed.

[SBRed48]

Can you let us have your post code to send WT samples to you and your team please SB?

No returns allowed.

Under the Post Office Workers Health and Safety Code it is no longer permissible to send dog sh1te through the post Chops.

However there is a part of SB Solutions Ltd which is called Sh1te Logistics. You may have seen one of our fleet of vans bearing the logo--

"Sh1te Logistics---Passionate about caring for turds from arse to laboratory".

It is based at Sheffield Wednesday's Hillsborough Ground. Give them a ring (ring-geddit) and tell them you have a turd (or turds) for them. Give them a call on 0370 020 1867 and they will give you appropriate instructions.

Would you be willing to complete a survey on how we dealt with your request ? Your feedback is important to us to help improve our service.

[pass_and_move]

Under the Post Office Workers Health and Safety Code it is no longer permissible to send dog sh1te through the post Chops.

However there is a part of SB Solutions Ltd which is called Sh1te Logistics. You may have seen one of our fleet of vans bearing the logo--

"Sh1te Logistics---Passionate about caring for turds from arse to laboratory".

It is based at Sheffield Wednesday's Hillsborough Ground. Give them a ring (ring-geddit) and tell them you have a turd (or turds) for them. Give them a call on 0370 020 1867 and they will give you appropriate instructions.

Would you be willing to complete a survey on how we dealt with your request ? Your feedback is important to us to help improve our service.

Av rung that number and their service wo sh1t hot

[SBRed48]

The data gathering for this Survey ended at 5pm today.

No white dog turds were reported and therefore I will forward a Paper to be published in Scientific Journals stating, with regret, that the era of White Dog Turds is over. I thank you for taking part and hope you and your family enjoyed the search.

If you have been affected by any issues raised by this survey please contact this Board's Chief Environmentalist "Young Nudger"

[Jules88]

The data gathering for this Survey ended at 5pm today.

No white dog turds were reported and therefore I will forward a Paper to be published in Scientific Journals stating, with regret, that the era of White Dog Turds is over. I thank you for taking part and hope you and your family enjoyed the search.

If you have been affected by any issues raised by this survey please contact this Board's Chief Environmentalist "Young Nudger"

I’d like to request an extension Sir.
I’ve had Corvid, a throyt infectchun, and not walked arr Baz for a month.
Not traipsed rarnd Gawthorpe, and Caphouse…for three weeks….
Can I hand my homework in next week….?

[SBRed48]

I’d like to request an extension Sir.
I’ve had Corvid, a throyt infectchun, and not walked arr Baz for a month.
Not traipsed rarnd Gawthorpe, and Caphouse…for three weeks….
Can I hand my homework in next week….?

As you will be aware Jules all our scientific work is peer reviewed by others working in the same field of White Turd research before it becomes an accepted contribution to the general body of evidence in this area.
You will appreciate it would invalidate the findings if we altered the boundaries of the data gathering as other studies have been taking place using the same dates.
We at SB Solutions appreciate your desire to find the Holy Grail of a White Dog Turd so may I suggest you go "freelance" so you can still enjoy the thrill of the hunt and still report findings. We have several Freelance White Turd Consultants working for us and your expertise would be welcome. We are still holding "Bush Watch" over the winter to locate the bush with the most plastic dog poo bags hanging on it's branches.