AFC limericks

[NaeMairNeeps]

OK, short rant tae kick aff ... this site is depressin ... Aye, Ah ken, it's a reflection o' fit oor team are servin up ... but ... ffs .... there's nithin new here .... and readin the same folk sayin the same things ower an' ower again .... it's like livin in a room wi a ****load o' fυckin parrots ...

skwawk ... Cosgrove's a donkey ... skwawk ... happy clapper ..... skwawk ...pant pisher ... skwawk ... (insert fave overused phrase here)

And so ....

... we need some fun .... by fυck we need some fun!! ... even some negative fun!! ... and at the point of typing right now like, I have nothin ... but I will write at least two limericks ... even if they are ****e ... tae get the ball rollin!

ahem ....


( the time is now 3.41am ... lets see how lang this taks me )

....

A useless big laddie called Sam
Like a ham sannie devoid o' the ham
But at penalty kicks,
Wi a smirk 'tween eez chicks,
made the keeper feel like a right bam

A boss by the name o' McInnes
whispered 'Stewerty, can we keep ess 'atween us'
Ah'm in love wi big Andy,
He maks me so randy,
Ah've tattooed his name on ma .... elbow!


There once was a boss known as Pele
Who's breath was unfeasibly smelly
On a car headin oot,
He was given the boot,
Ah ken cos Ah saw it on telly!

[NaeMairNeeps]

9 minutes!! ... this sheep is on fire!!!

[NaeMairNeeps]

A defensive midfielder named Ojo
Looked right decent til he lost all his 'mojo'
In that thread "Who's at Fault"
He was often out call't
Now it seems he's no better than so-so

[afc1903mad]

Brilliant NMN

[NaeMairNeeps]

A chief executive called Gordon Bennett
The electric, he wisna for payin it
The toasters he banished,
the players all famished
thought "hemen, fit's ess wait a minute!"

[NaeMairNeeps]

OK, Ah'm gonna hand over tae the rest o' ye now ... but maybe just gie ye a start if yer stuck ....

A midfield playmaker, Jim Bett ....

(rhymes aplenty ... go for yer life guys )

[NaeMairNeeps]

Actually ... Ah'm on a roll ... so ... one mair

A lad known as Bebo Maguire,
Was pull'd up for 'pullin his wire'
Said his boss "Ah dinna mind'
"In yer ain space an time"
"But for fυck's sake .... St Nicholas Squeyer???"

[NaeMairNeeps]

..... fυck it .... anither ...

When the Dons couldna reach any higher
Some thought 'a good time tae retire'
But they kept it in mind,
play like fυck til half team
For fear o' the 'Fergie Hairdryer'

[NaeMairNeeps]

An amazin young winger called Bumper
I admit havin a crush on as a youngster
For his run down the wing
and his cross to 'The King'
I embroidered his name on my jumper

[NaeMairNeeps]

Sorry ... canna stop .... here's one which is a true story

In the Prince Of Wales for a beer,
Ah bumped intae an auld Ian Hair
Said his transfer request,
Had Ally so fair pissed
That he slapped the P&J 'cross his ear

[ByeByeScum2012]

OK, Ah'm gonna hand over tae the rest o' ye now ... but maybe just gie ye a start if yer stuck ....

A midfield playmaker, Jim Bett ....

(rhymes aplenty ... go for yer life guys )

A midfield playmaker, Jim Bett
Liked a shower once he’d worked up a sweat
But if in came a player
With a bit of Dutch flair
It would likely end up in a fecht

[57vintage]

Tip: try learning how metre works.

[StandfreeFM]

There was an auld mannie called JJ
Who made a great deal in his heyday
Bides on the coast
And he does love to boast
That he never need worry bout payday

[krakowdon]

The weather outside was so bitter
Young Ernie and Joe stole a gritter
They drove to the pub
Then said, here’s the rub,
If we’d gone out to train we’d be fitter.

[57vintage]

Tip: try learning how metre works.

That's 'meter' you daft ****. As in 'pentameter'. It's all about the feet.

Or, in the case of verse, 'scansion' (rhymes with 'stanchion' but not 'Scanlon').