OT - One liners

[MadAmster]

Chatting to an Aussie IT chap. I asked him do you come from a LAN down under? He just smiled and gave me a megabyte sandwich.

[Geoff Parkstone]

Watching the news is like checking your pants after a good fart: probably nothing to see but if there is, it'll be ****...

[MadAmster]

I entered a blindfold masturbation contest last night.
I have no idea where I came!

[ramAnag]

I entered a blindfold masturbation contest last night.
I have no idea where I came!

For those of us who think ‘visually’ the last two one liners are truly disturbing. Doubt I’ll be able to sleep.
Please just ✋

[Geoff Parkstone]

And both of the last two could involve BBC

[ramAnag]

And both of the last two could involve BBC

[MadAmster]

Said to the missus that I have a "thing" for Beyonce.
She said "whatever floats your boat". I replied "No, that is buoyancy"


Damn site won't print an e acute just as it doesn't do apostrophes and pound signs etc anymore.

[MadAmster]

I've just started to plan writing a book on Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor. It has no title.

[MadAmster]

I was in an art museum earlier today. Two highwaymen broke in shouting "your Monet or your life".

[MadAmster]

Got one of those advent calendars with chocolate behind each window yesterday. Apparently it's now 3 days to Christmas.

[Ram Pant]

Trump: I want less migrants

Leavitt: Fewer

Trump: I told you not to call me that yet

[Geoff Parkstone]

Trump: I want less migrants

Leavitt: Fewer

Trump: I told you not to call me that yet

Nope, over my head

[Geoff Parkstone]

Littl old lady goes into a butchers shop and asks for 3 pork chops. "Sure" says the butcher "do you want me to make them lean?". The old lady replies "No, its OK, Ive got my bike outside"

[Geoff Parkstone]

What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug
What do you call a woman with a radiator in her head? Anita
What do you call a man with a hotel in his head? Norman Tebbitt

[ramAnag]

Nope, over my head

Fewer/Fuhrer, GP. Do keep up.