OT Wordle.

[BramleyMiller58]

Never did like playing in the rain.

Horrible hole

Sliced my drive into the rough 1g
Second shot not much better, only moved it a couple of inches, still in the rough 2g
Chipped out sideways 2g
7 iron, straight into greenside bunker 2g
Bunker shot out onto fringe of green leaving a 20ft putt 3g
Went for it with only options left just limped in 5g

Double bogey 6

[CAMiller]

Only just avoided a catastrophic fail. Only 1 consonant after 4 guesses. Had 4 possible words so burned my 5th to discover which one it was and it wasn't any of them. Luckily the one I'd overlooked was the only one left. Only my 25th double in 550 games.

1y
2y
2y+1g
3g
1y
5g

[CTMilller]

Seems we’ve all been struggling with this hole and in my present form I neither expected or achieved anything better. Again I spent far too long in the rough looking for an unfindable lost ball and gave up one shot (burn) Otherwise played fairly decent if unexciting par golf-which might bring me level with my US counterpart but won’t deliver any silverware at this stage…

1y
2g 1y
3g
1g 2y
5g

[ragingpup]

Saturday. I love Saturdays. It’s like you can let your hair down and have a proper drink. The gang were in good form at spoons ‘breakfast club’, with Patrick O’Menace setting light to Helen the T1ts as she lay slumped on the table. Barely raising an eye lid as she blazed brightly, Old T1tsy was soon charred and featureless before the barman finally put her out and was stretchered out smoking and crispy as we raised our glasses to her very hazy memory. F*cking great wheez. I love the lads.

Onto the Clubby, and after a few immaculate monk’s brews served up by Monty, who weaved me the sorry tale of how his beautiful Cumbria village had been overrun by a brown person who had single handedly taken all the jobs, raped all the women, and robbed all the houses before suddenly creating a flurry of friends and family that were clearly going to outnumber the local community by the year 2531. Grist looked on approvingly before falling back into his customary grim frown.

Popped to the toilets and was shocked to discover Adventus, who was...well I can’t really find the words to describe it. But it was sickening.

Hurriedly I made by way onto the crease. I served up with the usual disappointing slice that went flying off leftwards into the woof. The unkempt dog was extremely disappointed to find my ball impaled into it’s face and growled sadly as I clubbed it viciously into a pulp and carved my ball out with my trusty blade. (1y)

I switched to my 5 iron, despite not being quite sure exactly what the **** a 5 iron is, and it rather grudgingly slumped the ball out of the woof and onto the fair lay where it mysteriously rolled up the gradient for all of 50 feet before abruptly stopping, rising about 3 foot into the air where it hovered for 23 seconds before plopping back and resting on the grass. (1g 1y)

“What the f*ck?” I said to no one. There wasn’t a soul around. Suddenly there came a deep echoing chuckle from above. A smile broke on my face and I pointed upwards “You daft b@stard. Really? Have you really got nothing better to do?” But he knows I love it really. Gets me every time.

Onwards. I pucker up and whoosh, with the aid of the Lordy, the ball flies majestically from my 11 iron and rolls obediently across the grassy thing with flag less than one forearm of Trevor Womble from the hole in the ground. (2g 2y). Seeing an approaching group of beautiful young ladies, I did a bit of the old moonwalk and without breaking stride, backwards slotted the ball happily into it’s snug little hole (5g). Parps not too bad today looking at the reported miserable efforts of the hapless idiots also wasting their f*cking time on this ludicrous idiocy.

Whooping and cheering the ladies run over to dispense triumphant hugs and kisses before I take them back to the Clubby for some good old Puppy Love. One of them was of French Caribbean extraction so we had to dodge Monty’s flying beer glasses and quite savage knife attack, as well as Grist pointedly turning to face the wall, but Wowsers, a wild s*xy time was had by all. I love Saturdays.

[CAMiller]

Well they say in golf that Saturday is moving day. However it usually refers to moving UP the leaderboard whereas on MM it almost seems like everyone moved down. The claret jug is Adventus' to lose tomorrow whilst me and CT will no doubt battle it out for the wooden mashie niblick.

-4 Adventus2012
E Ronners
E ragingpup
+2 Edinburghmiller
+4 BramleyMiller58
+8 CAMiller
+8 CTMilller

[Ronners]

Another early start at the Ronners house hold, and to be fair I usually wake up grumpy in the morning but this morning I decided to let her have a lie in. I was having my usual slice of toast and cup of tea and reading how all the other losers on millersmad were doing in the tournament, all except Adventus anyway, when she came downstairs and said to me " I dont like you in the new glasses" so I said "I'm not wearing any new glasses" to which she replied " No but I am"....t**t.....the only reason I'd ever have a *** change is to see what it's like to be right all the fu****g time.......anyway

Off to the course we went and out came my driver on the tee and I hit a very decent first shot that left me around 90 yards from the green (2y)
I could see I had a number of alternatives so out came my 9 iron and instead of trying one of the words it could have been, I used my normal 2nd word looking for maybe another letter, but big mistake as I completely sliced my 2nd shot into the dense rough and still around 60 yards from the green (2y)
Out came the wedge, and a decent shot out of the rough and onto the green, that left me a tricky but gettable 6 footer. (2g+1y)
After some serious thought I came up with a word and rolled it into the hole for a nice parp 4, and now I'm going home to defrost the fridge, or foreplay as the mrs calls it (5g)

UTM

[BramleyMiller58]

And a parp 4 to finish

1g,1y
2g
2g,1y
5g

[ragingpup]

Following a hearty Sunday cooked breakfast of toast and Leffe me and the lads ran into the town to embark on the weekly game of “Nudey Judey”. This is where we find any random woman and proceed to viciously rip all her clothes off. We then hold the clothes up over the hysterical female and ask “Is you’re name Jude?”, and if it is, give her her clothes back. We haven’t found a Judey yet, but we’ll keep trying. I love our gang. So funny.

I’m told that this is the last day of the compo, and for the last time I venture to the Clubby. Ronners is laying pulped outside having channeled his inner Les Dawson act sadly within earshot of his Missus who with lethal force pulverised him with the club lawn mower. Poor Ronners, at least he got in his final round. I see his lovely wife over in the nearby field taking down the poor cattle, one by one as they sadly try and fail to clear the fence. Carnage.

Inside the Clubby, Bramley is boring the f*ck out of everyone about the glory days of the Master Brewer, before Howard Road became gentrified by people who could speak. Nice bloke Bramley, but a little bit Ganglord for my liking. Cam is running another Pop Quiz, the 43rd of the day despite everyone telling him to stop for the love of God. That’s the thing with Cam, he just can’t read the nuance of human interactions, like when people are hurling glasses at him and sticking his microphone up his @rse.

Back onto the crease, hair combed slick and in my finest pants. I slam the ball with Fat Bat and it flies majestically through the air to land right on the edge of the green thing with flag. But then, it suddenly reversed its trajectory and flew backwards back up the hill coming to rest about 10 foot from where it started. (2y)

“Oh don’t you f*cking start again” I yelled upwards. That’s the thing with the Lordy, he’s funny for a bit but then just takes it too far. I hear his deep echoing sulk of “F*ck you then Pup” together with descending thunderous footsteps as he storms off elsewhere into the Heavens. W*nker.

Time for my Wedge. Cheese and pickle. Nice. And then, got my 54 Iron out and following a ‘Don’t you blo*dy dare’ stare upwards I tw*t the ball as hard as I can muster. Not bad, right down the fair lay just short of where Adventus lay masturbating in the side bunker. No doubt pleased to be in pole position, with only the useless yanks left to play. And let’s face it, they are lucky if they face the right way, let alone provide any kind of score threat. (3y)

“Butt stark eggs, toothy leopard a volvo” screeched Crash from his hedge. I could tell there was some excitement in his voice, and only then I did notice an actual leopard that was just walking up the fairway. I did that ‘keep f*cking still’ thing you see on nature programmes and it stalked past me, before pouncing on poor Adventus who was caught in mid ecstasy to be sadly torn limb from limb by the predatory beast. Nice way to go though. If you have a choice. Well, sort of. He may well wear the Golfle Crown later today, but we’ll have a tough job finding his head to put it on.

Sated, the leopard climbed back into it’s volvo and drove off.

Back to the action. I used my putter (why not? Just why the f*ck not?) to slam the ball daisycutting right onto the green thing with flag, still some three Ray Mountfords from the hole (1g 3y). Still some work to do. Well not really, no one was looking (Crash was too busy laughing hysterically about Adventus), so I picked the ball up with my hand and dropped it in the hole. F*ck it, stupid game anyway. (5g)

Back the Clubby for another end of tourny party and again, all my remaining friends are there, although there are getting less and less with each compo. Cam sits unhappily bound and gagged in the corner with a big ‘L’ written on his forehead. The Ghost of Kerr walks aimlessly into various walls casting injunctions into the netherworld. Fire dispenses the beers and conspiracies to all concerned and CT hangs angrily upside down on the wall having been chained up there by his guardians. Grist sits still in his corner, generally lamenting change. Normal Jake wonders why he’s here and as all sing one last hearty chorus of ‘Deutschland, Deutschland über alles’, I make my way out of the club, pausing only to light the match and cast it onto the petrol trail…

[CAMiller]

Having a microphone up my @rse has obviously corrected my swing for a nice birdie to finish with and with enough time left to start putting together the 44th pop quiz

1y+1g
2y+1g
5g

[CTMilller]

Well I would not want to be married to Mrs Ronners and would certainly find life inside Raging’s Hieronymus Bosch world too much of a challenge….

Us two Yanks have trailed badly in this contest but we’ve both finished on a more positive note. Let’s hope the football is better when it starts…

2g
2g 1y
5g

[Edinburghmiller]

Hate playing in bad weather and today was no exception. Poor tee shot 1y. Better 2nd almost got on to green 1g1y. Chipped on 2g1y. Then overcooked putt way past hole 2g1y. Lipped out 3G then finally in the hole 5g

1y
1g1y
2g1y
2g1y
3G
5g

A rubbish 6!

[Adventus2012]

Late onto the tee today.

Nice shot off the tee into the middle of the fairway 330 yards 1y 2g. 2nd shot onto the green 2ft from the hole 1y 3g. 3rd shot nice put into the hole 5g. for a lovely birdy.

1y 2g
1y 3g
5g

[Ronners]

Late onto the tee today.

Nice shot off the tee into the middle of the fairway 330 yards 1y 2g. 2nd shot onto the green 2ft from the hole 1y 3g. 3rd shot nice put into the hole 5g. for a lovely birdy.

1y 2g
1y 3g
5g

Jammy fu****g ****....cough cough I mean well done buddy 😉🤣🤣

[CAMiller]

Mirroring the actual event, just like Brian Harman did at Royal Liverpool Adventus2012 (Knocker to his mates) took and early lead, never looked like being caught and is a worthy 6 shot winner of the 2023 MM Claret Jug.

-6 Adventus2012
E ragingpup, Ronners
+4 BramleyMiller56
+6 CAMiller, CTMilller, Edinburghmiller

Next up, MM Wordle ten pin bowling, a 10 day event to determine who is the king of the lanes and who will take possession of The Golden Pin. Watch this space.

[Ronners]

Parp 4 for me today

0
1g+1y
3g
5g

UTM