OT Wordle.

[CAMiller]

Must be any easy hole this 17th. Fitting for a golf course I just saw green all the way today for a birdie despite the air shot for my 2nd when I was distracted by some drunken chuntering in the trees.

2g
2g
5g

[CTMilller]

Well, that was possibly the best hole we will all ever play. EVERYBODY birdied! I wonder how our perfect 3.0 will compare with the Wordl stats.

Have to say, as one of the stragglers onto the course - and seeing all the good results so far - I was very nervous I would fluff it.

Managed to keep a steady hand, though:

3y
1g 3y
5g

Even with borrowed clubs. (Still no sign of mine...Raging, get down off that metaphysical cloud - you've no business in heaven, even allegorically - and tell me what happened to them. I know you're holding back!)

One hole to go. Howdy's telling us it ain't over till the diva with the callypigian rear starts up - but he would need to have a major meltdown and one of the other leaders to shoot a 1 or 2 for him to lose. We will see.

Some good play from those in the lower reaches of the leaderboard which might be exciting (A bit like that F1 series on Netflix where they sometimes showed the battle for 7th or 8th place...)

[millertop]

Tuesday 5

Five past Wales later

[jakethemiller]

Par 4.
Straight short drive. 1g
Poor direction and distance on iron. Into bunker 1y 1g
Hacked out to 25ft. 1y 1g
Rolled it up and it trickled in for a nerve racking par. 5g

[Ronners]

The wife said to me first thing this morning "you do know what day it is today?" and I thought f**k what have I forgot? but she carried on and said "it's the last hole on the MM golf tournament" thank f**k for that, I thought it was something important, I thought to myself. I think she did it on purpose because last night she asked me if I fancied a 3some so I said oh yes absolutely.
She asked me which of her friends she would like me to ask so i said Gemma and Rachel, which meant the 3some was off for some reason....women eh!!!
Anyway on to the tee for the last time in the tournament (29th Nov)
Hit a decent drive straight down the middle of the fairway and around 80yds from the green (2y)
The wife shouted "at least play with a smile on your face, like you're enjoying it" and to be fair she really knows how to show me a good time, she often points at people and says "Look, they're having a good time"... bitch. I hit my next shot well but the wind caught it and it landed on the edge of the green, around 30yds from the flag leaving me a tricky decision (2y)
I had a brainwave of how I would play it, the wife was trying to coach me but I wasn't going to take any advice from her. She's always telling me I have 2 faults, 1 is I dont listen, and something else. Anyway, I took out my big splutter, knocked the ball towards the hole but it broke further left than I thought and ended up around 8 inches off the hole. (1g+1y)
Another tricky putt, and after some thought swapped my big splutter for the little one and tentatively rolled it towards the hole and it just dropped in for a parp 4 (5g)

2y
2y
1g+1y
5g

UTM

[Brin]

A bad way to end but a 6 it is and only just.

My caddy said I’ve been using the stick thing the wrong way around throughout the tournament…, now he tells me!!! 😄

[howdydoo]

Steady driver off the tee.

Not the best 2nd shot in the world left me 30ft short of the green.

A chip and run with my 7 iron up to 10 feet.

In the hole for a par finish.

1g
1g 1y
2g 1y
5g

[BramleyMiller58]

Last Hole of the round. Trees to the right fields and out of bounds on the left

Back uphill towards the green (& clubhouse !)

Shocking first shot straight through trees and onto 1st fairway. 1y
2nd shot. Went for it over the trees onto 18th fairway was the plan. Topped it ended up in the trees and rough. Horrible lie 2y
No option but to play out sideways onto fairway 3y
5 iron approach shot. Landed on fringe then rolled back down the hill ! 1g, 2y
Chip and run onto green 3 ft from pin 2g, 2y
Went with only options left for putt and luckily popped in 5g

Double Bogie 6 to cancel out the last 3 holes

6 over par for the round (78)

Now back up the steep pathway to the clubhouse.
Couple of Pints of Boddingtons and a bag of Uncle Alberts Pork Scratchings.

The course ?

Wombwell Hillies
9 hole course. Ideal for all levels (ie me !) (but anyone good at Golf would find it easy)
No frills course my 6 year old Grandson loves it.

[ragingpup]

As it’s the last shoot out today I thought I’d have a really good drink before kick off. I’ve been playing at it really ove the last 17 days, holding myself back for the big one, the finale, the big push, the rinky dink, the voulez vous the…what the f*ck am I on about?

That’s the thing you see – when you’ve had 4 bots of Voddy, 2 of rum, and an Egg Nogg before you even think about collecting your thoughts, things can get a bit hazy and b0llocks will be talked. Still, as I am warming up in Spoons with Vinnie the Risk, Mad Stoat, Benny O’Backwards and James Smith, verbiage is the order of the morning.

“Waaaaaaaaarrrgghhhhh” roared Vinnie to start the ball rolling

“Raaaaarrrrggghhhhh” matched Mad Stoat, like a bereft Raptor

“****iiieeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” continued Benny

“I’m very sorry, I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here” said James.

Badly chosen words as the ‘Three Cavaliers’ as I like to call them, picked James up and hurled him savagely through the window. Yaaaahhhh! That’ll teach him to come in here not talking b0llocks.

“Good work lads. Back soon” I shouted and off I went with a nice stash of jangling Barley Wines to play my final match of the play offs.

At the clubhouse, I noticed that my bat carrier had gone. Normal Jake informed me that the Police had been called as there was highly illegal ****ographic content in there. Thankfully there was a discreet name tag in there identifying the real owner so Jake said that the police had gone straight away to get the next plane to America.

Oh well, still got my old collection of bats in the clubhouse loo so a hauled them back out onto the stadium pitch. I noticed Howdy in the distance just completing his last shot and already wearing the Golfle Championship Heavyweight Belt as well as Crown, Sceptre and plush robbery which he lifted over his head and ran around the grassy green thing with flag in presumptuous triumph.

I placed my ball on the flat pulp of Ronner’s sad carcass (that is one mad b!tch!), and slashed off on my final serve: and yes, of course it’s the usual bag of f*cking sh1te, straight off to the left and into the trees (0g 1y). I’m putting everything into this match – 3 more Barley Wines to make a dozen downed now, a large pouch of Special Friend and even a large syringe of Mad Dog. I’m f*cking flying now you shower o b@stards!!! Raaaaaahhhh!!! I slash at the ball again. It spins violently back out towards where I’d come from and I fall face down in the mud (1g 1y). I’m on the final play of thingumabob and I’m having a mare.

I stagger back to the ball and stare at it for several hours. Sometimes it comes into focus and others I can see the face of Cam on it, as if frowning angrily at Seattle junkies. Briefly the ball returns into focus and I pounce, still using my big service fat bat (why the f*ck not, there’s no bat rules) I swipe the ball with all my might and it flies off into the distance before defying all laws of physics by returning back to me rolling back tamely between my feet (still 1g 1 f*cking y!!!).

Right. That. Is. F*cking. It. I’ve had enough of this Golfle b0llocks, they’re all a set a w@nkers anyway. I’ll do what the f*ck I want and picked the ball up, carrying it all the way down the Fair Lay, onto the grassy green thing with flag and threw the ball petulantly straight into the hole in the ground before dropping my pants and showing my fat, useless, soggy @arse to the lot of ‘em. (Parp)

That’s better. Back in the clubby for the final time, and here we are for the party with my best mate players: there’s old Folkie CT (in cuffs and heavy police presence), the flat, sad carcass of Ragged Ronners, bloodied Cardyman Brin, Shredded Lol, Normal Jake, Aloof Cam, Bumboy Bramley, Tipsy Topsy and of course the King of the Course, the triumphant and crowing Howdy sat guffawing on his golden throne as we enjoy a last lap dance from the enormously bossomed Great Fire.

I notice a phone left on the bar. I look a little closer. It’s Howdys and it seems to have been left open on a web page:

https://www.nme.com/guides/gaming-guides/heres-the-wordle-answer-for-today-3171240

[millertop]

Tipsy Topsy 🤫

Normal Jake 😂

[CAMiller]

Woke up to snow this morning so had to get out the luminous balls. Good job this is a short par 4 to finish I thought but knew it wouldn't be too challenging to Howdy so my only chance was a hole in one. After a couple of practice swings I wound myself up like a coiled spring and let fly making what must have been the sweetest contact ever as I never felt it on the club head. Where did that go I asked Mrs. CA who had come out to spot for me as she knows I have vision issues with the white flakey stuff around. She just glanced down at the tee and shook her head in that way wives do. After 15 minutes of me explaining to her how it was all her fault I'd missed the ball she left the scene along with some choice words ringing in my ears. Nothing to lose 2nd time around so time to go for it again. This time, unhindered by the bad juju Mrs. CA had obviously inflicted on me I made contact and the ball sailed off in generally the right direction. 300yds of trudging later I spotted it on the green where thankfully I could clean it off and roll the 15' putt in leaving a perfect track in the snow. A nice birdie to finish with.

0
3y
5g

[CTMilller]

Finished on a par but not without an agonizing green drama where I couldn't decide whether the line of the ball would follow the rules of gravity or perspective. I chose perspective and it was the right choice.

Here is the final leaderboard showing rankings, total shots taken for 18 holes and score.

1st---------Howdy-----58----minus 14
2nd=----- CAM--------62----minus 10
2nd=------Raging-----62----minus 10
4th--------Ronners----67----minus 5
5th--------CTM--------68----minus 4
6th--------Jake--------71----minus 1
7th--------Miller Top--76----plus 4
8th--------Bramley----78----plus 8
9th--------Brin--------80----plus 10

Very well done, Howdy. A clear and worthy winner. I had to google whether 58 was a realistic score in competitive golf and apparently it is - so the sporting analogy holds up.

Also well done to CAM and Raging who fought a hard battle for second place over the last few holes and finished all even (save for a bit of divine intervention and cheating on Raging's part - but blind eye taken.)

Commiserations, Brin. Better luck next time. (Try the argyle sweater rather than the wooly cardi when we go again...)

Raging and Ronners - thanks for keeping us amused. You both did excellent turns all the way through.

(Raging, the police let me off with a caution; the sergeant was a fellow guitarist and Fleetwood Mac fan and I promised Geetar Man would help him with the fiddly picking on "Never Going Back Again".)

Jake - prize for the most improved player during the tournament. 4 over par after 4 holes and in last place, he improved to 1 under par after 18.

Bramley - thank you for putting us out of our misery (see what I did with the pun there) in naming the course you were playing. I've learned more about Rotherham area golf courses from Google than I will ever need!

Thanks, fellers. May be we can do this again when there's another lull in Millers' matches.

[CAMiller]

Thanks for being the tallyman CT and not a banana in sight. Indeed 58 has been achieved on the pro circuits but it is a very rare feat, as are 59s and 60s. My key takeaway, I'm glad ragingpup isn't agingpup or I'd have been 3rd on the leader board, 2nd is so much better

I just realised BM58 and Brin need to register a complaint with the tallyman.

[millertop]

I’m always happy when I don’t finish bottom 😂

Well done Howdy
Unlucky Cam and Raging

Cheers CT

[CAMiller]

I’m always happy when I don’t finish bottom ��

Well done Howdy
Unlucky Cam and Raging

Cheers CT

Next time, to make it fairer for Brin we should do Wordle Figure Skating where 6 is the best score He'll look good in one of those outfits.