Without wishing to be a miserable old git (fails miserably) If the result was based on a league table it would read:
Winner.............. weather
Runner up (on a count back but with max bonus points)................ Australia
3rd.............the pink wearing crowd and their generosity to a marvellous cause
4th...............the Barmy Army (always reliable)
5th...............the sight screen
6th...............the other sight screen
7th...............the boundary rope(bright and cheerful)
8th...............the umpires
9th...............the commentators
10th.............my missus for the Peddy
11th.............anybody or anything else I've missed
12th.............mmmmm England (for only being 80% crap!)

The 5th Test awaits!!