Pushy parents.

[mickd1961]

Did your parents push you and did you push your kids?

I’ve always been grateful to my parents for never pushing me.

I once asked my dad why he and mum never questioned me about homework or rammed teaching down my throat and his reply has always stuck with me.

He told me that I would find that I’d only get out of life what I myself put into it in effort, he said that this was the best advice he could give me in a nutshell and that it was all down to me.

At 14-15 that really sewed a seed in my head.

He offered me one other gem and that was to put my best efforts into the subjects I liked and needed and not worry about stuff like German and French as I had no aptitude for languages.

Thus I’ve not wasted my life working on stuff I have no interest in and no need of.

I did okay at school and had the bonus of never feeling under parental pressure.

I was the same with my kids, I helped them when they asked but I let them work at their own pace and make their own mistakes.

They’ve all said that they appreciate the fact we didn’t force them to be academic because none of them were.

Even my son who has been an unbelievable challenge to us is now doing a job he loves ( for the first time ever! ) and earning very decent money even though it’s taken him until 30 to get to this point.

It’s obvious already that my two eldest grandchildren are very bright, they may well be the first two in our family to go to university……they also might not.

As long as they are happy and healthy that’s all that matters to me.

[baggieal]

Did your parents push you and did you push your kids?

I’ve always been grateful to my parents for never pushing me.

I once asked my dad why he and mum never questioned me about homework or rammed teaching down my throat and his reply has always stuck with me.

He told me that I would find that I’d only get out of life what I myself put into it in effort, he said that this was the best advice he could give me in a nutshell and that it was all down to me.

At 14-15 that really sewed a seed in my head.

He offered me one other gem and that was to put my best efforts into the subjects I liked and needed and not worry about stuff like German and French as I had no aptitude for languages.

Thus I’ve not wasted my life working on stuff I have no interest in and no need of.

I did okay at school and had the bonus of never feeling under parental pressure.

I was the same with my kids, I helped them when they asked but I let them work at their own pace and make their own mistakes.

They’ve all said that they appreciate the fact we didn’t force them to be academic because none of them were.

Even my son who has been an unbelievable challenge to us is now doing a job he loves ( for the first time ever! ) and earning very decent money even though it’s taken him until 30 to get to this point.

It’s obvious already that my two eldest grandchildren are very bright, they may well be the first two in our family to go to university……they also might not.

As long as they are happy and healthy that’s all that matters to me.

There’s no right answer and whilst parents should not push their kids - some kids can be years ahead within their class to other kids so don’t want to get bored. For example some kids at 6 can have a reading age of 9 or more as their parent/s will read to them every night and explain everything.

The whole problem with the state school system is getting kids who are under performing to meet the required bar. Those kids who are massively ahead often get forgotten about and extension work rarely happens. Streaming for everything works well so both the bright kids can progress to their capabilities whilst kids who are less bright equally can move at their own pace with like minded kids.

There’s an old 11 plus state grammar school near us and many parents locally want it closed. Those who want it closed are the bitter parents whose kids aren’t bright enough to get in.Their view selection weakens the other schools in the area. Why should bright kids though be held back in a class with so many mixed abilities!!

You wouldn’t send a gifted 11 year old football player to a club where other boys have two left feet! Most parents would look for a club with like minded talented kids. That’s life.

I agree though happiness is everything and some don’t like pressure. That said others thrive on pressure so this should be encouraged.

University is not for everyone either but depends what a person wants to do. Some companies don’t recruit employees without a degree which again is life. A good education or degree though is a huge help whatever someone wants to do - they can always fall back on it.

[Joy_Division]

My dad pushed and bribed me all the time. Pass your 11 plus and I will buy you a bike. So I passed it to get the bike. Finish in the top 10 in class in your Summer exams and I will buy you an air-gun so I finished 3rd. Again finish in top ten in class and I will buy you a guitar so I finished 7th and so on. When he did not promise me anything for Xmas exams I did sh*te finishing around 16th or so. I was useless at maths when we started algebra and equations etc and he would scream at me in temper but I think some of it was frustration because he could not do it either. Hated every single minute I spent at school and the day I walked out of that place for the last time was one of the most exhilarating and liberating feelings I have had.

[baggieal]

My dad pushed and bribed me all the time. Pass your 11 plus and I will buy you a bike. So I passed it to get the bike. Finish in the top 10 in class in your Summer exams and I will buy you an air-gun so I finished 3rd. Again finish in top ten in class and I will buy you a guitar so I finished 7th and so on. When he did not promise me anything for Xmas exams I did sh*te finishing around 16th or so. I was useless at maths when we started algebra and equations etc and he would scream at me in temper but I think some of it was frustration because he could not do it either. Hated every single minute I spent at school and the day I walked out of that place for the last time was one of the most exhilarating and liberating feelings I have had.

Same!! That said many are naturally very bright as learning to some is like a sponge. You can’t put there what’s not there!! Still say to a degree a child is a product of a parent and home background.

The now CEO of TUI Europe was my graduate many years ago and it was obvious he would go to the top - his mind and thinking were razor sharp. Some have just got natural ability and brains. That’s life!

The best message is always - good luck to those who are super bright but hey - happiness in life is everything! For me I take my hat off to those who retire early. I too have now retired and enjoying life.

Pointless having money if you are still stressed with work! Tomorrow may never come!

[mickd1961]

My post was about whether your parents pushed you and have you been pushy with your kids?

A mate in my street had very pushy parents and sent him to an expensive fee paying school.

He hated it and within months he’d swooped schools and was at the local Secondary school with me.

Paul wasn’t academic at all but certainly wasn’t thick, he was great with his hands and has been a very successful carpenter for 45 years.

My dad said to me at the time ( knowing Paul )……”you can’t make a silk purse from a pig’s ear”.

I made the mistake of sending my errant son to a private school, mainly for discipline reasons when he was 11.

It was a massive mistake and he was a total misfit and although I hadn’t done it from an academic point of view it was a huge error of judgment on my part.

[baggieal]

My post was about whether your parents pushed you and have you been pushy with your kids?

A mate in my street had very pushy parents and sent him to an expensive fee paying school.

He hated it and within months he’d swooped schools and was at the local Secondary school with me.

Paul wasn’t academic at all but certainly wasn’t thick, he was great with his hands and has been a very successful carpenter for 45 years.

My dad said to me at the time ( knowing Paul )……”you can’t make a silk purse from a pig’s ear”.

I made the mistake of sending my errant son to a private school, mainly for discipline reasons when he was 11.

It was a massive mistake and he was a total misfit and although I hadn’t done it from an academic point of view it was a huge error of judgment on my part.

Totally get that Mick! That said some parents I know have sent their kids to a state school because - the mentality was it was good enough for the parent. Then the kids have switched to private schools and have excelled with classes half the size and a selective environment so lessons move faster.

In football terms if your kid is talented and goes to a selective football club/centre with like minded kids - they usually progress faster. Sadly it’s a fact of life.

In good areas such as Harrogate even the State schools are excellent because they are self selecting with professional parents. Sad but again true! My mother in law was a head of a school in a rough area and she often said - the kids are lovely but what chance have they got with the parents - even swearing about their child having too much homework!

[westcountryvillain]

Mine were pushy, I worked bl00dy hard at school and did ok but deep down it was all to please them. I was bright enough at primary school to be in the top 10%, went to grammar school and it was hard going but on the whole I enjoyed school life. I too subscribe to the get out what you put in mantra, we all find our thing in the end.