Long hair - Venison

bald - Stephen Carr

bad hair - Keith Gillespie

red card - Barton / Bowyer

Fatso - R9

Want to punch in face - Pardew

shortarse - Beardo

lanky twat - 19yr old Andy Carrol

wished he'd played for us - Ronaldinho/Zidane/Cantona

Gutted he played for us - Nicky Butt

Dirtiest - Roy Keane

Villain - Shelvey

Hero - Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeearer

Most likely to get you off ya seat - Robert