O/T Friday neet joke time (adult content) if easily offended go on Owls Mad

[Brin]

Lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband
2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me…

Husband 3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband 4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband 5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was...God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get really screwed! ”

[Brin]

Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk...

"We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena…

Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."

"But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."

[Yak]

When do you kick a midget in the balls?

When he stands next to your missus and says her hair smells nice.

[Brin]

When do you kick a midget in the balls?

When he stands next to your missus and says her hair smells nice.

I know what site your on….


Keep em coming pal...

[Yak]

What's green and smells of pork?

Kermits finger

[Yak]

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the ***es, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

[Ericsladkilnhurst]

Mother-in-law had a pair of knickers stolen off her washing line,
she's not bothered about the knickers,

but she would like her 12 pegs back.

[Brin]

What do you call two lesbians on their periods?


Finger painters!

Oops

[Brin]

Young Johnny visits his grandparents every year for holidays….. Everytime he sneaks out one jar of jam from the pantry. He doesn't want to be caught so after he finishes it, he ****s in the jar and puts it back. A few years later, Johnny becomes a big boy and he feels guilty, so he decides to come out with the truth….

As soon as he confesses, his grandpa turns to his grandma and says: "You bitch, when I told you the jam tastes like ****, you told me that it had only caramelized!"