O/T Friday neet joke time (adult content) if easily offended go on Owls Mad

[Brin]

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball….






What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year….

[Brin]

One for Donald Trump………. How do you keep Mexicans from stealing?



Put everthing on the top shelf….

[Brin]

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb…..



What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-a-lotta-puss…



What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?


A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face….

[Yak]

How can you tell which is the head nurse?

The one with dirty knees

[Brin]

“A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman.

She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having ***, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says. "For what?" The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute." The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has *** for money."

The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. Look it up." She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary, and it reads, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves.”

[Yak]

What's the difference between a Rabbi and a Priest?

A Rabbi cuts em off a Priest sucks em off.

[Brin]

“Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best *** in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end…

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar…

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.

[Brin]

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in ***. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So that night, she does just that. About a week later, she's back at the doctor, and says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said. Not even five minutes later he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!"

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong! The drug company will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway.

[Brin]

Two hookers were on a street corner…

They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air."

The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, no. I just burped.”

[Yak]

How can you tell if a bird is too fat for ***?

When you take her knickers off her arse is still in em.