Calamitous event...serious advice needed...

[minesahartington]

Sit down before you read this . I have failed as a father .. My daughter has started going out with a forest st holder. I am at my wits end.we had the football league show waiting on the 38 th minute so he could enjoy the Birmingham humiliation again. Obviously I have asked him to remain standing when we eat and shown him a knife and fork etc unfortunately he seems a bit besotted . No money has gone missing yet so we can't bring the law in. Any ideas?

[StensonRam]

Give him a red and ban him or just lay into him with the banter and he'll soon squawk off

[Romanis]

Well you can try your own well trusted experiences. You know tie an ewe, dab a little lipstick. Who knows maybe he'll be besotted like you! If he rams it - job done, you've made a conversion. If he doesn't, you have many hours of your own personal fun.

[coxy76]

I can see your future grandchildren wearing forest tops

[Eddy Briscoe]

Well you can't cut his nuts off ... because if he's a red dog he won't have any... so that leaves you with only one option only. You can only let him have *** if he repeats the phrase "5-0" twenty times ... fifty times if its with your daughter and not you ...

[dcfcdavecov]

My Dad let my sister marry a Forest fan.

They now have 4 sons, all Forest fans.

You're going to have to lie to your daughter and say he's cheating/thieving.

It's for the best.

[swaledale]

Make out that your an ultra religous family and that he will ahve to marry her before any ***, that should scare him off!

[tamworthram]

I would recommend the correctional treatment from Clockwork Orange to change his ways but I don't think it worked in the film.

I'm a bit concerned to hear you ask him to stand whilst you're eating, can't he wait outside rather than ruin your meal?

[Rob_the_Ram]

Bit of friendly advice Hartington:

Check out Ebay for a full body scanner (like you get at the airport).

Install it on your front porch door and have it armed 24/7. It may buy you a ***** few seconds!

Get yourself a Labrador and it would save time if he's already trained to detect gunpowder.

Fit a reinforced door chain and hang a tazer and mace spray next to it in case his mates come calling for him.

Finally, if he makes it in, have an Airwick with a belt clip for him to wear at all times when indoors.

Good luck - I think you'll need it

[hawthorne]

I think you're worrying a little prematurely, as no right minded Forest fan would venture towards our Ovis Aries neighbours. He's obviously lost his mind, just wait until his welfare officer catches up with him and re-sections him and all will be fine.