1) Rooney will be fitted into the team no matter what.
2) Wales will beat England
3) Despite what seems like a decade of preparation, Roy still does not know his best team or formation
4) Gareth Bale massacres England single-footed
5) England retreat into classic tournament mode of unadventurous football characterised by the selection of Milner.
6) Coleman completely outmanoeuvres Hodgson
7) Roy is distracted by a nasty boil on his jaw at the exact point he likes to rub to give the impression that he knows what's occurring.
8) Wales win Euro 2016
9) Roy insists England do not need to practice penalties
10) Coleman insists that Wales practice penalties
11) Roy perseveres with Kane as the dead-ball taker - despite every pundit on TV telling him this is a mistake.
12) Wales put square pegs in square holes.
13) Roy reveals two thirds of his squad are carrying life-threatening injuries
14) Wales players will play even with broken legs (like Ledley) for the honour of representing their country
15) England players have had a hard, long season and are knackered.
16) Wales players have had an even longer season - as most play in lower leagues
17) Too many England players have a Southampton connection. Even their managers know they are losers

Enjoy the debacle and, remember, you heard the excuses here first!