I have this mate who used to go on a message board. He wanted to be loved but basically he wasn't loveable. His friends tried to point this out to him but he wouldn't have it. He was, after all, a professional and a highly paid professional to boot. So, like the Rumpelstiltskin of the Grimms' fairytale, he stamped his foot and tore himself apart. But having left the scene he soon began to have second thoughts. It became obvious that nobody gave a flying f*ck that he had left and his grand gesture was rather pointless.
He wanted to come back but didn't know how without looking an even bigger pr*ck than usual. So he asked me, Monty, his oldest mate, to advise him.
I advised him. I said "Drop the holidays thing for a start you d*ck." "The holidays thing?" he asked. "What's the holidays thing?" I told him. "You know, the 'I'm going to Brazil for a week and then to my pad in the Maldives and I suppose you lads are having a weekend in Bridlington' thing." He thought for a moment and then said; "But if I did that, what's the point? I'd be just like the rest of you losers. No, f*ck it I'll head off back to Banter. That's a site that can really appreciate a complete ****er." Don't you just love a good fairy tale?
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