wotcha fella hope you and yours are well Sir.....

Dear Saudi's
Well done in not acquiring the barcodes. It's far to cold up there in the winter months, it's full of 40 stone bare bellied newki broon swilling apes who like nothing more than getting their tits oot at the first opportunity and showing the world and sundry their orkish behaviour.
However you do have the perfect alternative, a far more attractive proposition imho. The club is West Ham United. A club steeped in history, tradition, a club known for its academy in producing fine players. A club with a ready made Olympic stadium, excellent high speed transport links and fantastic loyal support.
All we need is someone with ambition and money of course to bring this fine club and it's fans the success we have been so starved of under this and previous ownerships.
Ok it's fair to say one of these ****s is a Welsh 4ft freak and the other is bagel eating heebie, but both are lifelong hammers fans. One can be seen dressed in claret and blue before being put in a cage to seek out poisonous fumes in the pits of Wales and the other playing alongside Bobby Moore in England's world cup win in 1966 and making over 800 appearances for the club. It's true also that we have a baroness on our team, but she has a wonderful mouth which can be used in the most devilish of ways. There is also a bit of greenery at the back of the stadium where one can park several Bentley's and still have room for tents and herds of camel's.
Please take time to consider us as an option, you will not be disappointed my sandal wearing friends.
Kind regards.......

take care now