FAO Zippity (take over Bid)

[dagenhamJohn]

wotcha fella hope you and yours are well Sir.....

Dear Saudi's
Well done in not acquiring the barcodes. It's far to cold up there in the winter months, it's full of 40 stone bare bellied newki broon swilling apes who like nothing more than getting their tits oot at the first opportunity and showing the world and sundry their orkish behaviour.
However you do have the perfect alternative, a far more attractive proposition imho. The club is West Ham United. A club steeped in history, tradition, a club known for its academy in producing fine players. A club with a ready made Olympic stadium, excellent high speed transport links and fantastic loyal support.
All we need is someone with ambition and money of course to bring this fine club and it's fans the success we have been so starved of under this and previous ownerships.
Ok it's fair to say one of these ****s is a Welsh 4ft freak and the other is bagel eating heebie, but both are lifelong hammers fans. One can be seen dressed in claret and blue before being put in a cage to seek out poisonous fumes in the pits of Wales and the other playing alongside Bobby Moore in England's world cup win in 1966 and making over 800 appearances for the club. It's true also that we have a baroness on our team, but she has a wonderful mouth which can be used in the most devilish of ways. There is also a bit of greenery at the back of the stadium where one can park several Bentley's and still have room for tents and herds of camel's.
Please take time to consider us as an option, you will not be disappointed my sandal wearing friends.
Kind regards.......

take care now
john.

[Zippity]

Aalreet, John. I'm good thanks, man....hope you are too?

Unfortunately,as Jacko points out, unless you're one of the chosen, then there's no place at the top table for you.

There's a strong belief up here that the PL are no less corrupt than FIFA and they're certainly as arrogant. I'm currently genuinely struggling to reconcile supporting my team with the league we're playing in given how badly they've screwed us over.

[dagenhamJohn]

Aalreet, John. I'm good thanks, man....hope you are too?

Unfortunately,as Jacko points out, unless you're one of the chosen, then there's no place at the top table for you.

There's a strong belief up here that the PL are no less corrupt than FIFA and they're certainly as arrogant. I'm currently genuinely struggling to reconcile supporting my team with the league we're playing in given how badly they've screwed us over.

yep i can see your piont mate, if you ain`t top six or London forget it!
looking forward to playing against the Geordies next season but those facking steps!!!!!

[Zippity]

Keep ya fit, man.

Unless we're one of the early games without fans....

[dagenhamJohn]

Keep ya fit, man.

Unless we're one of the early games without fans....

yeah, its a long travel game but you are right its most probably a tv game!

[dagenhamJohn]

I'm told that the PL rejected their takeover because of piracy issues.

Well, let me assure you my dear towel-headed chaps, there's none of that nonsense at the Iconic London Stadium. Just because your oil tankers would run the risk of boatloads of scabby Somalis boarding them at gunpoint before you could say Ali Baba in the icy waters of the frozen Norf, the canals around Stratford are pirate free.we have been known to dress as Jack Sparrow on occasion after a San Miguel too many but he means no harm and bleeds claret and blue.

The bonus of course is that you can jet into Heathrow from Mecca and be in your seat 11 minutes after you land because of the warp-speed links complete with diet coke and pork-free burger.

If I may offer my services as intermediary, I am fluent in both Arabic and dwarf. I'm sure the smaller half of the Chuckle Brothers can be persuaded while the other one asks if he's had his breakfast. As an added incentive, I'm sure I can get the Duchess to do a turn if you like that sort of thing.

So let's talk.

Neymar has always wanted to play for the Irons ever since his Dad sold those bags of monkey nuts in the ground in the 70's. He's always yearned for the smell of pie n' mash and his childhood dream of playing in the same team as Mark Noble. The problem was always the price as Barca would never take Winston Reid in a straight swap.

But you can make it happen and be adopted cockneys. They'll even sing songs about you. Good old cockernee songs like 'Any evening any day. Take a trip down Riyadh Way. You'll find them all. Doing the Riyadh Walk.....Oy !'.

You know it makes sense.

Inshallah

[Zippity]

"I am fluent in both Arabic and dwarf"

Has that sentence ever been written on any forum ever before.

[dagenhamJohn]

"I am fluent in both Arabic and dwarf"

Has that sentence ever been written on any forum ever before.

you would know if you were an Irons supporter mate be sure!

[dagenhamJohn]

just an update mate

Now that the dust has settled I'd like to bring you up to date.

I've been in continual contact with the Saudis and they have indeed turned their attention to taking over at the ILS. Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman (he's just Mo to me), still has a cheeky 400 million burning a hole in his pocket and he wants in, even planning to hand a contract to a local baker to put claret and blue icing on the three tons of stottie cakes he has in his freezer.

The dwarf ( Sullivan our joint owner) however, is a problem.

He wants his legacy passed on to Junior Slug who himself is learning the intricacies of club ownership on FIFA 21 (Covid Version), and won't sell for less than 500 million. David Gold has left everything to the stunted fecker as he now thinks he's Mr Kipling and will only eat exceedingly good cakes. And although Mo has the wedge he won't be taken for a ride.

Sullivan has agreed to meet Mo on Monday for ongoing talks with a 22 carat bog seat for Dwarf Towers as a gift for attending.

The meeting is at the Saudi Embassy in Istanbul.

I'll keep you posted

stay safe now
John...