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Thread: Shouting, Singing.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    16,861

    Shouting, Singing.

    Now that we're allowed out, I've felt the need to start chanting. So far with the help of Mrs DJ I've managed to adorn myself in a bright orange bedsheet, shaved my bonce bald and procured myself some brown loafers. I haven't got any symbols, so I'm using the lids off some old saucepans.
    The freedom and texture of the Egyptian cotton has had a profound affect on my loins, so much so, that I've so far molested myself on numerous occasions, once so vigorously that the sheet actually caught fire, causing me to douse myself down in the local duck pond.
    My melodic tones have so far sent Horace the llama in to a state of high delerium and so far in Tesco's carpark he's made hay with a Labrador and gave chase to a poodle called Barry.
    After such trying times, I urge you all to take up this pastime and find your inner Che,
    I've also been studying the mystic arts for thirty years and have achieved the 9th gate of concsiousness. I was trained by a Brahmin monk from Basingstoke called Reg and often enjoy tantric flying.

    Only last night I had an out of the body experience and found myself bollok naked and chanting in the park. When I got home, two empty bottles of Bushmills were in the kitchen. My trained mind must have drained them by telepathy.

    I'm pleased that others also participate in projecting their auras.
    take care and stay safe now
    John...

  2. #2
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    Feb 2006
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    16,258
    that's way out there DJ too far out for me to get me to get me bonce round

  3. #3
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    Perhaps Mon Amigo

    Thought I'd pop down to the market earlier on as I've run out of brake fluid. I was no sooner out of the car when I was accosted by a bloke carrying a tray of food. Naturally I assumed the attack pose, tazer in one hand and sword in the other ( I'd left the crossbow in the car)
    "Would you like to try a avocado and cinnamon bake" he asked.
    " Are you a transvestite?" I replied.
    He looked somewhat bemused.
    " You've obviously got erectile dysfunction problems and have never been near a woman or any farmyard animals, have you"! I said.
    " Are you mental" he countered.
    " Absolutely, I shouldn't be out at all, but I am and there lies your problem. You see my young wokish friend, if you had said, a sausage roll, a ham sandwich or cup of char, I wouldn't be thinking about removing your cranium from your shoulders, capishe?
    "Now run along there's a good woke, and try your salmonella on someone else, but know this!
    If I should see you again, I will feed you to Gertrude my pot bellied pig, take a blowtorch to your mother, and more than likely, burn your house down"
    The absolute nerve of some people!
    He was lucky to get away with a warning without as much as a Chinese burn!

  4. #4
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    Apr 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by dagenhamJohn View Post
    Perhaps Mon Amigo

    Thought I'd pop down to the market earlier on as I've run out of brake fluid. I was no sooner out of the car when I was accosted by a bloke carrying a tray of food. Naturally I assumed the attack pose, tazer in one hand and sword in the other ( I'd left the crossbow in the car)
    "Would you like to try a avocado and cinnamon bake" he asked.
    " Are you a transvestite?" I replied.
    He looked somewhat bemused.
    " You've obviously got erectile dysfunction problems and have never been near a woman or any farmyard animals, have you"! I said.
    " Are you mental" he countered.
    " Absolutely, I shouldn't be out at all, but I am and there lies your problem. You see my young wokish friend, if you had said, a sausage roll, a ham sandwich or cup of char, I wouldn't be thinking about removing your cranium from your shoulders, capishe?
    "Now run along there's a good woke, and try your salmonella on someone else, but know this!
    If I should see you again, I will feed you to Gertrude my pot bellied pig, take a blowtorch to your mother, and more than likely, burn your house down"
    The absolute nerve of some people!
    He was lucky to get away with a warning without as much as a Chinese burn!
    The next time that I get stopped in the street by a chugger I'm just gonna come out with "Are you a tranvestite?" That's bloody class 😂

  5. #5
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    Daggers you are nearly as phookin daft as me mate.

    Take care now and keep taking the tablets.

  6. #6
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    [QUOTE=cocopops61;39750030]The next time that I get stopped in the street by a chugger I'm just gonna come out with "Are you a tranvestite?" That's bloody class ��[/QUOTE
    Last edited by Tricky1966; 12-04-2021 at 12:18 PM.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by cocopops61 View Post
    The next time that I get stopped in the street by a chugger I'm just gonna come out with "Are you a tranvestite?" That's bloody class ��
    And not one mention of a person of "colour"

    At ease now

  8. #8
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    A friend of a friend of a friend told their Dad on social media that Ali, a Muslim lad, had laughed at a Pakistani teacher at his school showing an episode of Family Guy as an example of Western culture.

    In the episode, Jesus is shown on a snowboard saying 'Eat my dust'.

    As a devout Christian I'm appalled and myself and 50 mates are protesting at the Bangladeshi restaurant that Ali's Dad owns demanding that he be brought to justice...

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by alfinyalcabo View Post
    Daggers you are nearly as phookin daft as me mate.

    Take care now and keep taking the tablets.
    indeed Mon Sir!


    There are lots of old people living near me and to cheer them up I peer through their windows after dark in my Freddy Krueger outfit.


    Some have reported me and plod knocked yesterday warning me that 'Freddy' was no longer appropriate and a gender neutral mass murderer costume would be more in keeping in the 21st century.



    I'm pleased that the trans-gender crime prevention operatives in blue are up to speed

    Or in keeping with fairness I think we should replace the Barbie doll with a black one called Tinisha. It could have dreadlocks, have an arse like a shelf and a bright pink plastic all in one.
    Ken could also be black and look like huggy bear from starskey and hutch.
    Their car could be a black Cadillac with wind down windows for the occasional drive by......
    Last edited by dagenhamJohn; 12-04-2021 at 03:14 PM.

  10. #10
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    Apr 2018
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    The people of colour have still got a chip on their shoulders ever since the wogs were removed from the jam jars.
    They relied on them pictures for their ID cards.

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