Breaking news!

Dons scouts, having searched far and wide have finally tracked down such revered talents as Lindbergh, Shergar and Lucan.

Whether either will be fit to start season 23/24 remains to be seen. However, there remains no doubt said scout's reach is impressive.

Dons Chairman, Dave Cormack commented:
"We are delighted. Give a guy enough cash, and access to wikipedia, you never know what will tun up ... short of Nessie!

"I have total faith in my team of scouts ... but finding those extremely elusive individuals, whilst impressive, the question remains,

"Can they find a less targeted trio ... as in a wee prial o' total fkn minkers ... fa can actually kick a ba' in the intended direction .... at best taewards a fkn team-mate .... an' better, atween a fkn opposition keeper and the inside o' a goal post??

In response to Chairman Cormack's comments, it is understood that Sam Cosgrove has been pictured on Instigram in a 'chest puffed out' pose ... with the words 'come and get me ya radges'.