O/T Dad Jokes 9

[phild]

A sweater i bought was picking up static electricity, returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge

What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon."

Insurance companies are warning campers if your tent is stolen during the night, You won't be covered."

My wife asked me if i could clear the kitchen table. I had to get a running start, but I made it.

At a job interview I was asked if I was a gossip. I said no, but I can tell you who is.

About a hundred years ago, a couple of brothers said they could fly.
They were Wright

Every morning I announce to my family that I?m going jogging, but then I don?t go.
It?s a running joke.

Try not to sneeze in public.
People will turn and stare achoo.

‎Sylvester Stallone says he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says, "I will be Beethoven." Jean Claude Van Damme says, וו'ו" be Mozart." Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "C'mon guys, don't make me..."‎"‎‎

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.
For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

Just so everybody's clear.
I?m going to put my glasses on.

[Bombers right foot]

About a month before my granddad died we covered his back in lard, after that he went downhill pretty quickly


I was in the park the other day watching an old man feed the birds, after a while I thought I wonder how long he?s been dead

[Dubbag]

A sweater i bought was picking up static electricity, returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge

What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon."

Insurance companies are warning campers if your tent is stolen during the night, You won't be covered."

My wife asked me if i could clear the kitchen table. I had to get a running start, but I made it.

At a job interview I was asked if I was a gossip. I said no, but I can tell you who is.

About a hundred years ago, a couple of brothers said they could fly.
They were Wright

Every morning I announce to my family that I?m going jogging, but then I don?t go.
It?s a running joke.

Try not to sneeze in public.
People will turn and stare achoo.

‎Sylvester Stallone says he wants to make a movie about classical music. He says, "I will be Beethoven." Jean Claude Van Damme says, וו'ו" be Mozart." Arnold Schwarzenegger said, "C'mon guys, don't make me..."‎"‎‎

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.
For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

Just so everybody's clear.
I?m going to put my glasses on.

Sylvester Stallone
I don't get it....

[phild]

Sylvester Stallone
I don't get it....

'I'll be Bach..."

[Dubbag]

'I'll be Bach..."

[TipperaryBaggie]

Ah got it now!

[9goals2hattricks3pen]

The Autopsy Club are having a party this Friday at our local. It's Open Mike Night.

[Calgarybaggy]

Fat guy goes to see the doctor to ask about losing weight. The doctor said ?just don?t eat anything fatty?, and the fat guy says ?you mean like bacon and chips?, and the doctor says ?No. Just don?t eat anything, Fatty?

[baggieal]

I said to my Golden Retriever what?s ten minus ten and she said nothing!

[TipperaryBaggie]

I said to my Golden Retriever what?s ten minus ten and she said nothing!

Get yer coat Al