OT - One liners

[Ram Pant]

The gaffer asked me why I'm only ever sick on work days. I pondered and said, maybe I have a weekend immune system.

[Geoff Parkstone]

Donald Trump was asked on CBS News how ICE were doing in Minneapolis. Pretti Good was his response

[Ram Pant]

I love my electric blanket so much, I'm never gping back to an acoustic one.

[Ram Pant]

I want some peace and quiet. I'd love to be a clit for a day so noone could find me.

[Ram Pant]

I have bought a used Citro?n Oxo. It's basically a Saxo modified for stock car racing!

[Ram Pant]

Apologies to the 2 Rons...

Lord Mandelson, why do you keep getting sacked of having to resign? For scandals.

[Ram Pant]

Currently writing a novel about a detective who solves crimes by pure chance. I'm calling it Sheerluck Holmes.

[Ram Pant]

I've just started a 12 month hat making course... this time next year, I'll be a milliner.

[Ram Pant]

I bought some battery hens last week. The eggs come ready cooked.

[Geoff Parkstone]

Sorry a few extra lines

An illegal immigrant gets off his boat and stumbles across a lamp on the beach. He rubs it, as you do, and a genie appears to grant him three wishes. For his first wish he says he wants a free phone to tell his mates he's arrived. Whoosh, in his hand a brand new latest iPhone. "Wow", he says, "this is perfect, now for my next wish I'd love a fancy free house to live in" - the genie smiles and the immigrant is transported to a mansion in the countryside. "Your third wish?" says the genie.... the immigrant says, "this is so amazing, now I'd just like to become a British Citizen". "No problem" says the genie and the house and phone disappear.... "you're British now"

[Ram Pant]

'er indoors said she wanted a locket for Valentine's Day. I've pushed the boat out and bought her a whole packet...

[SithHappens]

'er indoors said she wanted a locket for Valentine's Day. I've pushed the boat out and bought her a whole packet...

🤣

[Ram Pant]

I'm starting up a new business renting out hunting dogs. It's called "we lease the hounds"

[Ram Pant]

My new diet advises that I eat mostly whole foods.
So, I'm eating whole pizzas, whole cakes, whole tubs of ice cream!

[Ram Pant]

I recently made a cap out of bread, since when I've lost weight. I'm on the loaf hat diet.