OT - One liners

[MadAmster]

I only recently found out that "knees up Mother Brown" doesn't refer to a seksual position.

[MadAmster]

I rang the drugs line this morning. The pre recorded message started with "if you want to speak about cannabis, press the # key"

[Trickytreesreds]

I was looking for a pregnant Barbie in Hamleys yesterday. There wasn't any, as apprently Ken came in another box.

[Ramshank72]

I recently came into a lot of money, which was totally unexpected, as I was aiming for the sink.

[ramAnag]

Being a Derby fan is like being Bonnie Blues father.

You love them to bits, but are sick to death watching them smashed every week.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>running

Q. What does a Forest fan do when their team has won the Premier League?
A. Turn off the PlayStation.

[Trickytreesreds]

Q. What does a Forest fan do when their team has won the Premier League?
A. Turn off the PlayStation.

The 7 Dwarves are down in a cave when it collapses. Snow White runs to the entrance and shouts down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out 'Derby county are good enough to win the European Cup'. Snow White pauses then says 'at least Dopey's still alive'.

[MadAmster]

Got an ad on my FB feed today from an internet provider advertising their fibre optic services. The staff member they used in the ad was a chap called Amish

True story, BTW.

[Geoff Parkstone]

Just seen this one which may stretch forum rules so please delete, Andy, if so.

Daughter "Mum, can you get pregnant from anal***"
Mum "Of course you can dear, where do you think Keir Starmer came from'

[MadAmster]

A friend of mine from Eindhoven phoned and asked if he could asl me a question.

I said "of course, Go Ahead"

He hung up.

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I hope you get this one.

[Geoff Parkstone]

I didn't realize there was a local rivalry between those two

[MadAmster]

I didn't realize there was a local rivalry between those two

There isn't but in the space of 4 or 5 days, Go Ahead beat them in the Cup semi final and then beat them in the League. That League defeat now puts them 8 points behind Ajax with just 10 games to play. Go ahead have, basically, destroyed PSV's chances of silverware this season inside a week as, although they are still in the CL they are not going to win it.

[MadAmster]

I asked the surgeon if I could do my own stitches..... he said suture self.

[MadAmster]

I'm going to start coin collecting. The change will do me good.

[MadAmster]

Apple has announced that profits are down. A spokesman added that their turnover is still good...

[Geoff Parkstone]

But core operations are struggling