OT - One liners

[SithHappens]

Mrs F told me I recited the
Whole of Lord Of The Rings in bed last night. I must have been Tolkien in my sleep

Sounds like a bad hobbit you have there

[Andy_Faber]

I once swallowed a book of synonyms. It gave me thesaurus throat I?ve ever had

[Geoff Parkstone]

Swale?

[MadAmster]

More than one line but...

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me.” she told him. “Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, “How does that feel?” He replied, “It feels great, but I still think my thumb’s broken.

[Andy_Faber]

Another ?not a one liner?, amongst the dozens of ?not quite PC enough for tv? comedians that crop up on my social media feed, one stands out , and you should check him out. ANDY HIGGINS. Old fellah, no politics, mainly jokes at his own expense, great timing. For those who claim they don?t use social media, make an exception

[SithHappens]

The cities and towns of the Premier League clubs have been asked to predict the 25/26 season, each city or town utilized their most complex super computer to predict the final table, however the results from Nottingham proved to be challenging to decipher...
10 'Hello'
20 'Go to 10'

[Trickytreesreds]

Why do all Marxist Labour voters only drink herbal tea?


Because all proper tea is theft

[MadAmster]

I went to a restaurant last night and I asked the waitress about the menu please?
She said, ‘The men I please has nothing to do with you!’

[MadAmster]

Pros and cons of making kids.
Pros: Making.
Cons: Kids!

[MadAmster]

He seems a cheerful little guy, but I bet from time to time even Thomas the Tank Engine has to let off steam!

[MadAmster]

I saw a Pretenders tribute act... they were miming!

[MadAmster]

Smile... it will increase your face value

[MadAmster]

I used to date a girl called Sue Denim until I found out that wasn't her real name.

[MadAmster]

Do people in electric cars listen to AC/DC or something current?

[MadAmster]

Don't accept a friend request from Emma Royd... she's a right pain in the arse.