I'd just be totally honest, I'm a right stinking mess.
I'm clean but regularly smell of skin back cheesy prawns on the regular occasions that my skin peels back a little bit with passing thoughts.
I have piles but not bum busters.
I have the @rse of a pole dancer but the gut of a greedy b@stard.

After sitting on a cloth seat for a while there sometimes can be a smell of @rse left behind. Not terrible but a bit niffy, if you get my meaning.

I'm a bit of a baldy git due to my receding hair of which I refuse to allow to grow like a Rab C Nesbitt hamlet cigar advert.
I hate to wear jewelry of any description, which also includes a watch...although the watch is negotiable.

Surprisingly I don't have sweaty feet but my bell end and @rse make up for that.
I never have hanging nose hair because I use one of those nose thingies, like a fat pen up yer nose.

Same with my lugs.

I know it sounds bad but here's my better points, if you can call them better.
I never have greasy hair.
I'm clean shaven.
I wear clean duds every day, believe it or not.
I wear the same socks for a week due to my feet not stinking. Actually that's probably not a better point, if any are.

I have all my own teeth except for two false ones and they're not too bad for my age which is 50.......ish.

Oh, one more thing.
I do tend to dribble a little bit after a wee which is probably why my bell end stinks like a cave full of dead crab,lobsters, rotten fish and a massive selection of rotten molluscs all festering in a thick pool of Limburger cheese.

What's my chances?