Reply With QuoteVery good! I always say to myself that I’ll tell the jokes in the pub on Friday night but I find that I can’t remember them! My memory isn’t too bad, though, I can still remember how to get to the pub.
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It?s a five minute walk from my house to the pub.
It?s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems.
He said "can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"
Today I learned if you turn a canoe over, you can wear it as a hat.
Because it's cap sized.
Two slices of bread got married...
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler
Most people have heard of Karl Marx, but few know of his sister Onya, an Olympic runner. Her name is still mentioned at the start of every race
THE INVENTOR OF THE THROAT LOZENGE HAS DIED
THERE WILL BE NO COFFIN AT HIS FUNERAL
I was having dinner with some friends the other day and one of them accused me of having no sense of direction.
I got so angry, I packed up my stuff and right.
I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
spent ?500 on a limo and just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.
I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it
Me: What's the wifi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: 3 pound
Me: There you go. So, what's the wifi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
No spaces, all lowercase.
Last edited by phild; 13-11-2025 at 08:34 PM.
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Very good! I always say to myself that I’ll tell the jokes in the pub on Friday night but I find that I can’t remember them! My memory isn’t too bad, though, I can still remember how to get to the pub.
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Originally Posted by kettering_baggie
I post these during England games due to England being so tedious
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Yes, but thanks! Keep ‘em coming.
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I'll attempt to remember one of them and somehow get the ending mixed up with something else..
Cheers Phil....made me smile.
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Heres one for you Dubs
Whats the easiest way to confuse an Irishman?
Put him in a room, place a shovel in each corner and ask him to take his pick!
I'll get my coat
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That brought memories of when I was about six years of age.....
Hard to beat the old ones....
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What's the difference between ET and an illegal immigrant?
ET learned English and wanted to go home.
😂😂
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